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When I was dating I would never date a man who was in the process of divorce or separated. It was a deal breaker for me. I would say handle your business. My friend dated a man who was “separated” and living with his wife. She broke it off after a couple dates because it was weird. Guess who got back together with their wife??
You did something kind.
Your “friend” and your sleazy BIL abused everyone’s trust and chose to do things that would destroy everyone else.
This is all on those two crappy people.
Okay, respect
If they come clean on their own, they are remorseful.
If you find out and then, they are remorseful, it's about getting caught
Her attitude is alarming she could easily fix this with some actual communication. She probably enjoys the rifts because it’s in her favor. Personally I wouldn’t enjoy being with someone who is ok with there family treating me this way.
She may get the idea when you break up with her. At then end of the day it’s been two years and it’s still get talked about. Ask yourself is this the family you want to marry into. Just remember when your wedding day happens it will be the joke they all love to tell. The sad part is your the joke to them
I definitely need to spend more time figuring out where I stand, and like you said, how I will respond if he ultimately refuses to respect the boundaries I’m putting into place. I’m concerned his response will be angry /defensive because based on his track record that seems to be how he almost always responds- at least at first. There have been times where he’s checked himself and simmered down and we’re able to have a productive conversation so hopefully that is the case this time around… either way thank you for your insight
Unfortunately, if you on-line with a parent you get their rules. A super religious mother is not going to let this go. To get the freedom you want, you will have to move out.
There's a difference between what you feel and what you should feel. there's also a bit of a difficulty in trying to articulate feelings through words. I'm not saying she's worst than me, if that was something I honestly thought I wouldn't need to ask others for help.
How so? Simply because you're paying for everything? Can you elaborate?
My feeling is that going forward, if there is ever a problem like me getting some sort of sickness or mental problem or simply wanting to try a different career, she won't be able to support me but the reverse won't be a problem. That's where the free riding is coming from.
Why does this matter? You are not the same person you were. She is not the same person she was. Maybe in some ways, but people grow and change.
Not blaming here for that. When you are treated as different through your whole life you kind of build a bit of a coping mechanism where you start to dislike people that don't make the effort to understand you. Seeing her as one of those people kind of triggers those feelings.
This can be true in some situations but if the restaurant is already expensive to begin with.. how am I supposed to feel knowing that I can only 1) choose to pay for it all and make her feel bad for doing so, 2) force her to pay something way above her means.
I do t know, she hasn’t mentioned it and I guess she’s afraid to ask since she’s new and I don’t blame here for that,