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Jennythanksyou, 27 y.o.
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I think you should do it until it isn't a net benefit for each of you. My personal opinion is that FWB is inherently unstable and won't last forever. But you can do check ins and just talk to them, make sure this situation is still working, see if it is turning into unrequited love, etc and see if you should keep going
The downvoting is also because just the same as in all of these age gap posts, you refuse to believe that you have no idea what a 19/20 year old looks like to someone in their 30s. When you get there, I promise you will be horrified. You want to believe you’re mature for your age rather than question why he’s so immature at this point in his life that he sought out a “partner” a couple years out of high school. Your current relationship problems are telling you the answer why.
That’s a good way of framing it, thank you! I want her to feel like she can talk to me about it – I just simply don’t get all of the acronyms and terms so it feels like listening to a language I don’t know, you know?
would still be with his ex if she didn't
So what?
Would still be with the ex if they didn't murder the rest of the family in cold blood. But they did, so how is what would be the case if they didn't relevant?
Why get all butt hurt and bent out of shape over what ain't the case and would or might be the case if things weren't as they have been and are and shall always be?
Would still be with the ex if they didn't turn into a three-eyed bug-headed alien monster. So friggin' what?
Would still be with the ex if we lived on Mars instead of Earth. Big damn deal, who cares.
Would still be with the ex if they didn't do what they did, but they did, so they're not.
Why the hell be worried about what might have been if things never were as they were and went?
Our relationship is amazing and he's the man of my dreams
Then why are you jealous of a woman that doesn't even exist – a non-cheating version of his ex? No one's even found an alternative universe that contains such, let alone a way to access that universe or get that version of his ex from that universe to this universe. Yet you seem quite concerned about that alternative version of his ex in that alternative universe that no one has even yet shown to exist.
hurt my feelings he got extremely angry
So, man who hurts your feelings and gets extremely angry – that's the man of your dreams?
he will still bring up his ex in conversation quite a bit
But that's the man of your dreams, what are you complaining about?
I don't like hearing about him with other women
But he's the man of your dreams.
He brought her up again today
Yes, he's the man of your dreams, what else could you possibly want?
That stung a lot
But he's the man of your dreams!
it made me sad
But he's the man of your dreams!
I felt like he would rather be with her instead of me
“Her” – you mean the non-cheating ex that doesn't exist? Would you be equally jealous of him preferring Santa Claus over you? Do you believe in Santa? Does he?
And, what you report he said:
would still be with his ex if she never cheated and he said yes
Yes, that doesn't even mean, if what is the case weren't the case, that he'd necessarily even prefer to be with her:
would still be with his ex if she never cheated and he said yes
That's not the same as would have then preferred to have been with his theoretical non-cheating ex if such existed. Maybe if she didn't cheat on him he never would'a left her and met you? That's not the same as even saying he would prefer a hypothetical but non-existent non-cheating version of his ex to you. But you're jealous of the non-existent regardless.
he got intensely angry with me
That's the man of your dreams?
made me sad. He then hung up on me and won't return my texts
Man of your dreams, huh?
So, you get all butt hurt 'cause if something that did happen never happened, then things might be different … and the man of your dreams … hurts your feelings, gets extremely angry, brings his ex up a lot and that stings you and makes you sad, hangs up on you, won't return your texts.
Uh huh. So, that's how it is, huh?
Bless your heart dear, we’re not bros, we’re not friends, we’re strangers on the internet, so please address me properly since we didn’t eat from the same plate nor did we shoot at the same goal…
Now don’t you worry bout me, make judgements, since again you don’t know me, I don’t know you.
Byyyyyyyyyye Felicia!
You need to communicate. Perhaps, if you're in a position to, consider couples just to have someone help you two do so and get to the root of the issues?
Maybe consider therapy for yourself if you can, just to have someone help you learn to stand up for yourself and improve your self-worth. It's always valuable having an objective, non-judgemental ear to talk you through your issues. Otherwise, do some research and look into some book and podcasts tackling self-esteem and self-help.
He could not realise it, which might be a stretch, he could also not realise how he's making you feel, which still sucks.
Communication is key. Maybe write down your feelings and get your head straight, write down what you would like to see from him, and potential solutions. Then sit him down and talk, don't allow interruption, tell him to wait until you're finished.
If he doesn't wait until you're finished, then tell him this kind of disrespect is a perfect example of what's wrong, and it's making you unhappy. Also make it clear the example he's setting for your kids. They'll think it's appropriate to disrespect you because of his constant undermining.
If it doesn't work out, that's okay too. It's okay to walk away. You need to do the best thing for yourself and your children.
Good luck, OP.
Why are things so high tension and what have you done to try and salvage the marraiage?
Even if you are considering a divorce, you're going to need to deal with the situation and communicate where you're at in the relationship. It sounds like while your wife suspects things are amiss, she doesn't have a clue whats actually going on in your head right now.
Divorce will 100% disupt your kids lives, but you can lessen the extent of the disruption but building a communicative, civil and polite relationship with your wife throughout the process. Even if you have decided to leave her, you still have a moral duty of care to each other and for the sake of the kids that you both share.
You both need to find divorce lawyers to discuss your options.
Kick him to the curb girl, wtf
She was kinda mortified when she said it
Because she didn't want you to know. But now you do. What's the next step bundlesofjoy11? Are you going to just sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen, or do something about it?
Its tricky. Because even if she isn't f*ing him, and it “only” happened because she's fantasizing about him when she's having sex with you, and when she's taking care of business by herself, she's almost certainly not going to be honest with you. Right?
Do you have access to her phone? Are there other reasons that you have that suggest that she's cheating on you – recent changes in behavior?