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The problem is you can’t. There are no magic words you can find that will make him change. This is who he is, and he’s made it clear he’s not changing.
You have two options here: stay, and accept that this is your life, or leave. You cannot convince him to be someone he isn’t.
Why are you dating a 34 year old creep? Tbh any 34 dating a 24 year old has issues. That alone is a red flag. The “terms of endearment” should be a dealbreaker though.
It is disrespectful and rude towards your relationship but as a different comment said its up to you if you wanna continue in this relationship, just remember you always have a choice to leave
Lady, you not only cheated on your husband, but you did it continuously over a period of years and several pregnancies. How can you fix your poor relationships? How about developing some integrity and a sense of what is morally right or wrong?
By the way, public school is free. Enroll them there.
By the way #2, in a lot of jurisdictions, children born to a woman while married are considered legally the responsibility of the husband whether or not he biologically fathered them. Consult a lawyer. You may be able to collect child support on these kids even though they are not your ex's. Of course he won't be thrilled by that; but you need to meet your children's financial needs. You have already failed their emotional needs.