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John And Rose, y.o.
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My take is that this guy never told you because he didn’t wanna piss his girlfriend off. If he messaged you out of the blue to throw this shit at you I’d be more suspicious of it, but he probably only mentioned it because you’re a good dude who checked in on him when you likely weren’t gonna see each other much anymore, and he has nothing to stop him now. I’d honestly just catch her off guard with it and outright ask her to tell you what happened with the guy. She’s comfortably sat on it with a poker face for ~6 months now. If you give her time to prepare she will come into the conversation with a script.
I think it's fine to feel weird about it. Like it's not porn where it's not real. It's real on-line hot attractive woman, in person with your partner. Taking to the group of men, trying to get them to buy them drinks and chat enough to convince them to pay for a private lapdance. Basically it's just a woman sexually arousing your partner and flirting with him, unless its a distance only club where they don't come over and are on a stage only. That's not ok for me with a random girl on a night out, why is it different because its a girl getting paid to do it?
I'm kind of the same as the other people here saying they don't get them. My partner gets plenty of sex at home to the point he doesn't need porn, but if he did, that's on-line and available to him also whenever he needs. Why would he want to go and get turned on by other real women, who fake being interested in him for money. It's just bizarre to me.
I only know of 2 groups of guys who done the full going abroad and strip club thing. Where they went, the strip clubs are brothels also. My bf and his friends paid to sleep with prostitutes when they were younger at one. Bf said he couldn't get nude because he realised pretty quickly, the girl probably didn't want to have sex with him and alone in a room it suddenly just felt terrible.
The other one was a bunch of 30-40 year olds on a bachelor weekend. All bar 2 of them, including all the married men slept with girls from the strip club.
I think I've heard, seen enough, and don't feel any justifiable reason for my partner to go to a strip club to check out real very hot women in person. So for me it's a boundary we've discussed, and that's fine for us. I'm not keen on it and his previous experience makes him not want to go anyway.
But more so than anything, I now work in financial crime for a bank. Investigating everything from basic scams, to exploitation and terrorism. The amount of girls in these places I've seen getting pimped, exploited and trafficked has totally blown my mind. They get paid in cash or bank transfers, then you see them and the other girls all transfer it to an older man's account. I kind of knew this happened elsewhere and does, but I didn't realise how much it happens in the UK. Given what I've seen, strip clubs and brothels are never going to be ok with me.
That being said, these are worst case outcomes. But we've not really evolved to want our partners to go out and watch or interact with women trying to sell them a sexual service. So it is totally OK not to feel good about it. You're not going to be able to change that if it's inherent to you. All you can do is decide to accept it if you trust him enough, that oogling other nakee women in real life isn't going to cause anything more than looking for him, and no unacceptable boundaries for you will be crossed.
Either you are ok with it completely, you're not ok with it at all, or you're not okay with and it makes you feel bad to some extent but you're going to let it happen anyway and just move past it, in which case the uncomfortable feeling is unlikely to go away until it's been and gone.
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He's 61 you're 28, I'd say give it 20 years or so, and people will stop assuming he's a dirty old man , and you're his PYT/Childbride with daddy issues.
Well I don't know for sure if they will. It's just my fear, but I'm worried if I ask my boyfriend about it that it would create distance between us.
Just pretend it never happened.
You breakup and move on.
What if it was an accident?
I think you shouldn’t meet them. Ever. I also think you should rethink this relationship.
If you want your own children one day you’re going to want to keep them safe. You can’t keep them safe with this guy.
He is still close with his family. Him speaking to his father about the abuse will do absolutely nothing.
I think this is one of those things in a relationship that isn’t wrong (what she does) and either are your feelings. You need to decide whether it’s something you can be happy with long-term. If you can’t, you may not be compatible. That’s okay. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you.