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This is coming from my perspective as a guy in a long term (10+ year) relationship. I like being alone and tend to not put myself out there for people emotionally and honestly prefer being alone in a lot of ways. The reason I’m still in this relationship is because she deals well with that and understands that I do care, but am also independent and have lots of my own interests. That’s not to say I ignore her completely, but not a lot of people are okay with that in a relationship.
Sounds like it may be similar. He’s may just have meant that you cared enough to not let his personality push you away. Or that you put enough effort forward to make it easier for him to set things aside and make time.
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Yikes. I too would run away from anyone pressuring marriage within 2 months to a year. Absolutely not. I feel like people pushing for marriage that fast don’t actually even like you, they just want the fantasy wedding, the attention and validation of an engagement and wedding, to be financially taken care of and want children asap and they will force anyone they can get into giving them all of this. That it isn’t even about loving you, it’s just wanting the prestige and attention of marriage and the financial stability and children. You don’t matter, just the things they want do.
YTA. I am sometimes a yellow let it mellow person. Depends on the situation. My wife doesn't love it, so I don't do it when she's around. I don't flush in the middle of the night either to avoid waking her. He seems to do it rarely, so your tone was very unnecessary.
Regardless of who has sacrificed more, or who hasn't, you don't do what this guy did. Period. All that is admissible in the face of the life choice he made without her knowledge and acceptance beforehand.
This. Despite the already horrible threats and abusive behaviour, he then turned to accusing her of “bringing up the past” or trying to reverse blame on her is classic textbook amotional abuse. He's never going to take responsibility. OP, look up DARVO, it's a textbook manipulative tactic used by abusive people– DARVO= “Deflect, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.” My abusiveex would bafflingly accuse me of “bringing up the past” when the past was literally five minutes ago. OP, take care of yourself and I hope you're able to drop this loser.
Thanks this is really helpful