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Birth Date: 2003-02-05
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This is just horrible I am so sorry. His comments towards you are disgusting, especially when you are so unwell. I can imagine how long you were holding in the need to explode and he deserves every single bit of it. He is making you extremely unwell both mentally and physically. You deserve so so so much better than this.
Does he normally woo you or say it first?
What was last year like?
Year before?
Year before that?
You said yourself you've just settled for him. Why? … You need to be forever miserable because of some fluffy feelings…. oh come on girl.
Why have you lowered your standards and why do you expect things to change after 5 years? You know your choices here.
You both sound like you’re acting like immature little kids. You both need to grow tf up, have an adult conversation, and resolve your issues. You could even go to group/family therapy together (possibly with your mom and sister) to help resolve things in a healthier way. As of right now, you both are handling the situation very poorly. If anything, buying a present for the baby could help to slowly mend things between you and your sister, because it would at least show your sister that you care about her child.
Being undetectable is 100% so long as you continue to take your medications and maintain that status.
It's a perfect gift. If it is never opened, someday it will turn into a diamond.
Thank you for your reply.
You’re right. But I feel that it’s a little more complicated than that. It’s my fault for not giving enough detail and explanation in my original post.
My boyfriend had a very tough early life. His mum died suddenly when he was 9, and then his father didn’t really look after him properly. He didn’t have any friends growing up, and became a social recluse with severe social anxiety.
We met at university many years ago, and he was always kind towards me. I am also a bit socially awkward, so we got on really well and became good friends. That eventually developed into a relationship.
He was a lot more functional back then, but things have changed over the years. He became a lot more depressed, dropped out of his masters degree, and then got signed off work long term because he believed he could not work due to his anxiety and low mood. I understood and supported him as best I could, but it has been 6 years and he has developed a lot of really bad, lazy habits now. He is complacent about pretty much everything. I was doing a Doctorate and asked him to help by proof reading my Thesis. He went on and on about how the thesis was stressing him out and adding a burden to his life. I ended up sleeping in the spare room for weeks and just doing the work without discussing it with him. I eventually told him he had upset me, and he apologised. But his behaviour hasn’t really improved. He can change one little thing, but the general behaviour stays the same.
I have to add that he has recently started being assessed for high functioning autism, so it is likely this plays a big part in his behaviours. It makes me question how reasonable/unreasonable my expeditions are all the time. But I also know so many people on the autism spectrum who aren’t rude and entitled like him. So I don’t know. He said I need to be more patient with him. But it has been years. He can be a fun companion, but he doesn’t make me feel secure or happy in the long term. ?
And has 5 kids and has to work as a stripper to support them bc her exes send no child support:( OP just leave this man you are better off on your own. Just take some time for yourself and finish nursing school. I promise it will pay off( I’m a travel nurse.)
So… he specifically reminds you to remain faithful to him… then immediately starts acting shady and arranging hookups as soon as you're away?
How exactly does deleting his Tinder make up for any of that? I'm a complete novice when it comes to live! dating….but… I mean… he can just create a new account whenever he wants, right? Like, any bathroom break, while he's making coffee, waiting in traffic…? Deleting it is hardly some sort of profession of fidelity or commitment. Only now, when he creates a new account, you won't know his new username.
If he needed an ego boost so urgently, why not send you a flirty message? What kind of wgo boost is he going to need during actual hard times? Like when you're sick, or you've had a fight, or you're stressed with school/work?
He fell at the very first hurdle. Don't waste any more time on him.
You need to do your own thing. Go to school be a nurse. Try a long distance relationship maybe or take a break.
Absolutely not. Kids can tell when their parents relationship is rocky. Don't stay in an abusive relationship, they need to see what a healthy relationship looks like. And even for the time being they need to see their mom independent and happy on her own. Please don't stay with him, you need someone who will love and respect you.
I’d want to know if I was the wife.
Your husband is sleeping with other women and most likely sleeping with you. I’d want to know so I could stop having sex and get myself checked, and to kick his ass out.
OP your best bet is to tell her exactly what you said. You found out you were the other woman and you’re worried he’ll lash out so to make it seem like she found out some other way.
If I were you, I’d just resolve to NOT having kids (if you’re actually okay with that.) Then if she somehow suddenly decides she wants one, you can adjust that. Right now it seems pretty obvious it’s a no.
If you are realizing you NEED to have kids to be happy, then you might not be on the same path unfortunately.
You’re a human not an emotional support animal which is how she’s treating you.
She also sounds abusive in other ways.
Why are you with her?
I'm married for 6 years together for 7 years with my husband. We have a 4 year old kid. I would leave today if I learned he had a kid from a former relationship. I married a single man with no kids so I didn't sign up to be a step parent. Being a step parent is naked. You get to take care of a kid, you have responsibilities, you feed him and pay for his things but you can't discipline him or be a part of the important decisions like the bio parents. You can do your best but still be rejected.
In this case, OP will have full custody not even a shared one so there will be a kid in the house but she won't be his mother. So it's very different from adopting. The kid is going to want his mother there every birthday, vacation, graduation, etc. So the wife will have to deal with another woman who will be involved in their life from this point on. I would be suffocated by this.
OP has no fault as he didn't even know his son existed but I can't blame the wife for noping out as being a step parent is not for everybody.
go to the counselor. explain all this. she will have to listen without makig a fuss. and you will have to listen to her without a fuss.
at the end, the counselor is just someone who give advice. you do want you want. if he thinks your mariage is irredeemable, he will tell it straight. in this case you can divorced without remorse : you have done what was possible, but the task was not possible.