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Thank you so much! It was honestly a change in mentality and one day became two and it kept going!
I want to say that I think it's awesome that you've been so supportive, and even now you're trying not to be too harsh to someone dealing with mental health issues. I don't think that's a bad thing.
But it's also totally understandable that this has changed your view of your partner. I get feeling taken advantage of — you have been. Even if she's not consciously doing it, she is using your generosity as a way to avoid working as much as she'd need to. That generosity, understandably, has a limit. Like others have said, it'd be one thing if she made the effort to repay you, or if she thought it was a no-strings gift, but she hasn't and it clearly wasn't. So while she may not have set out to do this, it makes sense that you'd feel betrayed – you thought she was the sort of person who would repay you, someone you could trust enough to help out without it coming back to bite you. And it seems like she's not the person you thought she was.
I don't think you'll see that money again, I'm sorry to say. But you're right to feel wronged.
This is all-too-common in many “traditional”, socially conservative ethnic communities too….. I'm American of Indian descent and my folks are like this too.
Takes a miracle Takes balls
I am puzzled why you want to stay but I have to say the racism isn't a bit attractive and I'd wonder why you'd want to stay?
First, recognize that you have no intrinsic moral or ethical obligation to stay with anyone. You can rightly decide to end the relationship at any time for any reason and that is valid if you feel it is valid. You don’t have to be anyone’s slave for any reason.
Ok that said, leaving isn’t always easy or practical, especially with kids.
You have been together since you were 16/17, which is basically going from childhood to adulthood together. Reality is that people change a lot between 16 and 26 and you may simply not be right for each other anymore.
So as to your question, I don’t know the answer that works for you, but if it were me, I’d be leaning towards not staying together. He’s a serial cheater with an increasingly bad drug and alcohol problem. The path he is on is not a pleasant one, and is very likely going to result in him hurting the people around him both physically and emotionally, then abandoning them when he winds up in prison.
I could be wrong. Everyone is different. But I wouldn’t bet against what I’ve said here without some serious proof that he’s different from everyone else.
Ummm didn't read anything..but time to move on and forward …
There is nothing funny about making jokes about this and there is nothing cute about not trusting your partner.
You are young and don't wabt 10 years later pushing 40 to find out about how you don't want to be with someone with terrible ethics and character. You only invested a short amount of Time. Enjoy learning this now!
He wasn't lying when he said he has issues. You shouldn't feel anything other than you were being your true self and unfortunately that guy has some mental demons to work out. When guys have issues it is easier for some to jump from one fling to another because they don't have to stay long enough to deal with real emotions. They would also have to face themselves and that is hot for them.
You should feel relieved that you dodged that bomb, because he would have just dragged you down with him. You did nothing wrong and although he didn't respond to your letter I am sure that it was hard for him to read because he knows he lost an awesome person he could have had in his life.
One day, maybe, he will get himself out of his own head and be able to have normal relationships. Or maybe he will just keep avoiding his life forever, who really cares though. You got outta there and will find someone out there that is ready for you. Don't waste another moment thinking of that dude going nowhere.
Nah. Everyone’s an individual. I mean it is unusual and I would be curious as to why, but unless the reason for it was a red flag itself, 20 years of no relationship at all is very different from 20 years of dramatic divorces or whatever.