A couple times, one of her friends (let’s call her Jessica) asked her to look through my phone to see group chat messages between me, Jessica’s boyfriend, and a person that Jessica didn’t like.
I would break up over the entire issue- if my husband has concerns, he can ask me anything and get answers but my private conversations with my friends are private and this bit that I quoted is completely out of bounds. This is a huge betrayal of your trust and an invasion of your privacy and that of anyone who has confided in you.
Sounds like you married into a toxic family of losers (poor role models for your kids). Love is not a solid reason to tolerate this abuse. Love yourself first.
Why the fuck are you quizzing your 21 year old son about his sex life and being expected to be told and in what fucked up world are you doing anything about smelling his jizz breath that isn't cleansing your sinuses with Listerine and never, ever thinking of it again?
I personally think people who plug their ears when it comes to politics are choosing a political stance that is immoral. It's a privilege to be able to 'not care' about something that is woven into every moment of every day of our lives.
And I agree, there were probably red flags OP missed and if husband can't see how he's wrong that's a huge problem. He owes SIL an apology and to reassure her he loves her but alas, it sure seems like he's hateful towards LGBTQ+ and only didn't gang up on sister cause OP was there.
I'm a wife who walked away from my husband who was on the same boat as you, maybe worse. He wasn't managing his PSTD or MDD, he was addicted to weed and mushrooms, had no stable job and kept asking for money to support household stuff and his drugs, gas, snacks etc. He also wasn't an attentive dad. When our daughter was young, he was so adamant about no screens and the past two years (the time he's really gone down hill), that's all he'd let our daughter do, just rot her brain in front of a screen. Whenever we had a minor miscommunication, his PTSD would trigger and it's just verbal assault after verbal assault. I had no energy at the end of the day from working with kids, coming home to take care of our 6 yr old, plus him, and dealing with cats that I hated (I got them for him despite me being allergic bc I thought it would make him happy and uplift us, actually did the opposite). The straw that broke the camels back was when I yelled at our daughter after 30 mins of trying to put her to bed. He acted like I was an some abusive monster. It was horrible and hypocritical especially since he had done and said much worse to our daughter.
I packed my stuff and left to my mom's the next morning. Over a month later, I'm still with my mom. I talk to him and see him on occasion. We are currently separated, but he's begging for me to come back, that he wants our family and he'd change for me. I love him a lot but because he was so unreliable and unloving for so long but mostly the past two years, I just don't believe him. God could tell me he's changed, and I still wouldn't believe him. That's how much damage had been to the relationship. There's virtually no trust or respect. I told him that I'd see how much he changes in the next 12 months and I'd reconsider. Though, the past month has been much better for my mental health and just in general. Since I've customized a custody schedule, I actually get time to myself. I'm still grieving and recovering from the damage of our relationship so I'm not doing much with the time, but I'll get there.
This is going to be a long process for your wife and you. You basically need to deal with what you put out, but understand that it's because you decided to be a neglectful husband. Give her space, let her develop a sense of self, and see if she goes back to you. There's a good chance she might feel better off without you, and that's just the consequence of your actions.
Does she want you to get a new d*ck too?
A couple times, one of her friends (let’s call her Jessica) asked her to look through my phone to see group chat messages between me, Jessica’s boyfriend, and a person that Jessica didn’t like.
I would break up over the entire issue- if my husband has concerns, he can ask me anything and get answers but my private conversations with my friends are private and this bit that I quoted is completely out of bounds. This is a huge betrayal of your trust and an invasion of your privacy and that of anyone who has confided in you.
How’s that? It’s literally a question.
Sounds like you married into a toxic family of losers (poor role models for your kids). Love is not a solid reason to tolerate this abuse. Love yourself first.
Why the fuck are you quizzing your 21 year old son about his sex life and being expected to be told and in what fucked up world are you doing anything about smelling his jizz breath that isn't cleansing your sinuses with Listerine and never, ever thinking of it again?
He’s 25!? I figured this was some 17 year old guy bs. Jfc
I personally think people who plug their ears when it comes to politics are choosing a political stance that is immoral. It's a privilege to be able to 'not care' about something that is woven into every moment of every day of our lives.
And I agree, there were probably red flags OP missed and if husband can't see how he's wrong that's a huge problem. He owes SIL an apology and to reassure her he loves her but alas, it sure seems like he's hateful towards LGBTQ+ and only didn't gang up on sister cause OP was there.
I'm a wife who walked away from my husband who was on the same boat as you, maybe worse. He wasn't managing his PSTD or MDD, he was addicted to weed and mushrooms, had no stable job and kept asking for money to support household stuff and his drugs, gas, snacks etc. He also wasn't an attentive dad. When our daughter was young, he was so adamant about no screens and the past two years (the time he's really gone down hill), that's all he'd let our daughter do, just rot her brain in front of a screen. Whenever we had a minor miscommunication, his PTSD would trigger and it's just verbal assault after verbal assault. I had no energy at the end of the day from working with kids, coming home to take care of our 6 yr old, plus him, and dealing with cats that I hated (I got them for him despite me being allergic bc I thought it would make him happy and uplift us, actually did the opposite). The straw that broke the camels back was when I yelled at our daughter after 30 mins of trying to put her to bed. He acted like I was an some abusive monster. It was horrible and hypocritical especially since he had done and said much worse to our daughter.
I packed my stuff and left to my mom's the next morning. Over a month later, I'm still with my mom. I talk to him and see him on occasion. We are currently separated, but he's begging for me to come back, that he wants our family and he'd change for me. I love him a lot but because he was so unreliable and unloving for so long but mostly the past two years, I just don't believe him. God could tell me he's changed, and I still wouldn't believe him. That's how much damage had been to the relationship. There's virtually no trust or respect. I told him that I'd see how much he changes in the next 12 months and I'd reconsider. Though, the past month has been much better for my mental health and just in general. Since I've customized a custody schedule, I actually get time to myself. I'm still grieving and recovering from the damage of our relationship so I'm not doing much with the time, but I'll get there.
This is going to be a long process for your wife and you. You basically need to deal with what you put out, but understand that it's because you decided to be a neglectful husband. Give her space, let her develop a sense of self, and see if she goes back to you. There's a good chance she might feel better off without you, and that's just the consequence of your actions.
Leave. And get evidence to try for full custody. Abusers tend to lash out on other ppl when they don’t get their way