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You know what's next. Leave
So why didn't you notice the trash needed throwing out? She had to notice. And then micromanage you to do stuff about it. Same with stuff that needs to be bought to make dinner, etc. Why don't you notice that stuff? Noticing and delegating is work too, it takes time and energy and is exhausting. Tell me, when you are at work, do your coworkers need to tell you constantly what needs doing and ask you to do it? I'm guessing not.
You need to do that work on your own, then she won't have to micromanage you.
The constant criticizing needs to stop tho – if you are doing a thing, YOU are doing it. if it's not actually dangerous – like the baby bottle is still dirty when you finish – she needs to back off. Therapy for her, I would say, to learn to back off. And more feeling of duty for you. It's your household too. Notice when the trash need throwing out.
I think she ended the friendship over my comment but yes obviously it would have changed things anyways if she hadn't. I am very clear about how I feel about her views on this and was also certain that most people would find it abhorrent. But I was so confused over her reaction to my comment that I wanted to understand if it could be read another way than I am reading it, that's why I posted.