Drop her like a very hot potato. People hardly ever change especially if they have these traits. Make yourself a service and see if that’s what you want to marry. You are getting to know her other side. If you marry her, you will have to deal with that long term. Not the best option to be honest.
The internet can't answer this, but it can give you a whole bunch of guesses that will not make you feel better.
Just be direct and ask him. Close your eyes or cover your face or whatever you have to do to force through the embarrassment. You will feel so much better once you have some answers; even if they're upsetting answers it's still better than guessing and wondering.
What kind of childish behavior is this to print divorce papers after a few days of conflict? If anything, you are confirming suspicions she might have about you cheating when you do readily offer a divorce.
Don't get me wrong, she is equally childish for not talking this out better, but you are both acting like kids in this.
You should both go your separate ways and not get married until toy are able to have a grown up conversation about tough issues.
Holy crap OP, you need to change this situation quickly. My suggestion, and you're not going to love it, is to be as honest with your wife about it as you can. Maybe skip the part where you rub one out thinking about this woman. But telling her that you are developing an emotionally closer relationship with her than you are comfortable having in the context of your relationship is probably a good idea. You can say that you recently saw it as possibly effecting your relationship negatively, and that you need to live! with your partner alone. The exact why might not be absolutely necessary, but I feel like getting as close as you can in your reasoning is probably the best bet. I'd personally go with something along the lines of “X is a friend, but living with her includes her in my personal life to a degree that makes me uncomfortable and makes it difficult to set and enforce boundaries that I need.” Ultimately you want to build a future with your girl, not her and her friend. So tell her that you need to prioritize the relationship and that the friend has got to go so that you can both do that.
Thanks man. This is what my first thought it. I know my wife will understand. I'm just worried on how my wife will put it across to her friend.
She isn’t hurting anyone by being friends with your ex. You just don’t like it because you think she should follow you. She told your ex the truth as to why they couldn’t talk anymore. It’s not her place to make up some story just to make you feel better.
Giving an ultimatum is a shitty thing to do and you will lose her over the drama or cause enough tension that she starts backing away from you slowly. Either way, it’ll do nothing positive.
So either grow up and stop causing drama with your friend and making her pick who she wants to be friends with, or you’ll just be alone and miserable all your life.
Why the hell would you give her a second chance? You have been more than reasonable. She made her decision. Now she has to live with it. You are fulfilling your requirements as a father and doing a good job by the sounds of it. There are 4 billion other women out there. Find somebody who loves you for being who you are. And enjoy the rest of your life. Do not for a second thing that she's doing this out of love.
Relationships end all the time. And in your case, it’s ending for a good reason, you were long distance, and didn’t actually know her all that well. And now that you’re living together, she isn’t the person that you thought she was. That’s very understandable.
I would say that she likely has her own side of the story and probably believes that you’re not the person she thought you were either. She doesn’t sound like she’s real happy either. She doesn’t have to be the monster in the story in order for you to get out of the relationship. You’re not happy, I don’t think you love her and you want to go back home. And that’s what you should do.
Because I'm willing to give her a chance to think if there's stuff going that she just doesn't want to tell me about. It's a new relationship after all and maybe some building needs to happen too.
Whatever I saw earlier in the relationship was not fake, it was genuine and great, and I don't want to throw that away so quickly.
Put your foot down. Tell him absolutely not, under no circumstances, and it is not up for debate.
Tell him this is a dealbreaker. And tell yourself, too.
And also ask yourself why you would want to be with a man who would even suggest this to you. Because this says a lot of things about his family dynamic, and they are not good things.
Won't do it. Free easy sex is tempting , but not when she belongs to someone else. Won't ever betray another man….ever.
Drop her like a very hot potato. People hardly ever change especially if they have these traits. Make yourself a service and see if that’s what you want to marry. You are getting to know her other side. If you marry her, you will have to deal with that long term. Not the best option to be honest.
The internet can't answer this, but it can give you a whole bunch of guesses that will not make you feel better.
Just be direct and ask him. Close your eyes or cover your face or whatever you have to do to force through the embarrassment. You will feel so much better once you have some answers; even if they're upsetting answers it's still better than guessing and wondering.
What kind of childish behavior is this to print divorce papers after a few days of conflict? If anything, you are confirming suspicions she might have about you cheating when you do readily offer a divorce.
Don't get me wrong, she is equally childish for not talking this out better, but you are both acting like kids in this.
You should both go your separate ways and not get married until toy are able to have a grown up conversation about tough issues.
Holy crap OP, you need to change this situation quickly. My suggestion, and you're not going to love it, is to be as honest with your wife about it as you can. Maybe skip the part where you rub one out thinking about this woman. But telling her that you are developing an emotionally closer relationship with her than you are comfortable having in the context of your relationship is probably a good idea. You can say that you recently saw it as possibly effecting your relationship negatively, and that you need to live! with your partner alone. The exact why might not be absolutely necessary, but I feel like getting as close as you can in your reasoning is probably the best bet. I'd personally go with something along the lines of “X is a friend, but living with her includes her in my personal life to a degree that makes me uncomfortable and makes it difficult to set and enforce boundaries that I need.” Ultimately you want to build a future with your girl, not her and her friend. So tell her that you need to prioritize the relationship and that the friend has got to go so that you can both do that.
Thanks man. This is what my first thought it. I know my wife will understand. I'm just worried on how my wife will put it across to her friend.
She isn’t hurting anyone by being friends with your ex. You just don’t like it because you think she should follow you. She told your ex the truth as to why they couldn’t talk anymore. It’s not her place to make up some story just to make you feel better.
Giving an ultimatum is a shitty thing to do and you will lose her over the drama or cause enough tension that she starts backing away from you slowly. Either way, it’ll do nothing positive.
So either grow up and stop causing drama with your friend and making her pick who she wants to be friends with, or you’ll just be alone and miserable all your life.
NOOOOOOOOO.
Why the hell would you give her a second chance? You have been more than reasonable. She made her decision. Now she has to live with it. You are fulfilling your requirements as a father and doing a good job by the sounds of it. There are 4 billion other women out there. Find somebody who loves you for being who you are. And enjoy the rest of your life. Do not for a second thing that she's doing this out of love.
Yeah, I would have left as soon as the toilet paper came out. Unless he's REALLY very hot, in which case I would have fucked him and THEN left.
Relationships end all the time. And in your case, it’s ending for a good reason, you were long distance, and didn’t actually know her all that well. And now that you’re living together, she isn’t the person that you thought she was. That’s very understandable.
I would say that she likely has her own side of the story and probably believes that you’re not the person she thought you were either. She doesn’t sound like she’s real happy either. She doesn’t have to be the monster in the story in order for you to get out of the relationship. You’re not happy, I don’t think you love her and you want to go back home. And that’s what you should do.
Because I'm willing to give her a chance to think if there's stuff going that she just doesn't want to tell me about. It's a new relationship after all and maybe some building needs to happen too.
Whatever I saw earlier in the relationship was not fake, it was genuine and great, and I don't want to throw that away so quickly.
NOPE.
Put your foot down. Tell him absolutely not, under no circumstances, and it is not up for debate.
Tell him this is a dealbreaker. And tell yourself, too.
And also ask yourself why you would want to be with a man who would even suggest this to you. Because this says a lot of things about his family dynamic, and they are not good things.