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I can understand your point about the birthday messages. I guess I knew they were looking for something and didn't want to give it to them. Maybe that was unfair, or unnecessary but I'll accept it.
They are extremely difficult and it's hot to watch how they treat people. They lived with my MIL for around 6 months with their son and they bullied my MIL relentlessly. My MIL is one of the kindest women I know and it didn't matter how much she did for them it was never enough. They expect everyone to be at their beck and call and agree with them on everything. It's exhausting. My MIL is working through things and is learning to handle it better but it's still difficult.
I agree that continuing to be NC is the best course of action. I know my husband wants a relationship with his brother which I support. I'm personally struggling with the idea of having to have a relationship with them again after they have showed their true feelings.
You forgot “lazy”.
She's been unemployed for 4 years but still wants to talk about getting a horse? She's delusional! It does sound like you are her credit card that she never has to pay back. I would highly recommend cutting her off financially for a while and seeing if you have a relationship at all outside of your money.
There’s really no normal. I’m like twice a week with my partner so I’d personally say once a day is quite a lot, but if it’s what you both want, that would be your normal. If you’re already feeling pressure to meet his needs at once a day, you’re probably not sexually compatible. Think of how often you’d have sex if you were the one to decide and see if there’s a compromise.
If he’s serious when he accuses you of not loving him because he wants it more than once a day, that’s either coming from manipulation or immaturity. Maybe even both.
Wait. So you're cheating scum?