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Do you think if he dated someone his own age he would do this to them? He is with you because your easy to manipulate.
You have nothing to gain and everything to lose if you do this.
I say again. You have NOTHING to gain and EVERYTHING to lose if you did this.
If she wants to suddenly sign her name on the title, make her pay for half the equity. Then she will be responsible for 50% of the mortgage plus bills.
You're not married. You didn't buy this house together. This is your house. Even though you're a couple, she will be your renter.
If she's concerned about the relationship failing and she getting burned in the end financially, I suggest you do the same thing my girlfriend and I agreed to do. What we're doing is keeping a record of anything she contributes to the home value. I'm talking about buying a new washer/dryer, paying for a new roof, any repairs that she financially contributes to – I want to keep it recorded. In the event she and I don't work out, I'm going to compensate her back.
This doesn't apply to rent and bills. She would have to pay for those regardless if she lives with me or not. The big difference is as a renter the landlord would be financially responsible for improvements. It's not fair for her to put forward her money towards my investment.
So, you do understand that people may get crushes on people they're not in a relationship with, right? Doesn't mean they'll act on it. Doesn't mean they'll cheat.
By what you wrote, your (probably soon to be ex-) wife did everything a good partner would do. She saw the signs, recognized them, came to you and did all the legal stuff to extract herself from the situation. Yet you punish her for doing the right thing?
You've effectively nuked your relationship by asking for the seperation because of your own insecurities. Get your ass in therapy. You've got anger issues you need to work out with a professional.
I'm not saying your feelings are invalid. But there's a big difference between acting like a regular grownup and what you're doing right now.
In my native language, therapists often describe “islands”. There is a “You”-island and your boyfriend also has his own island. And when you got together, you created a third island – “Us”-island. But having that third island doesn’t mean you online there now. You go there to meet up. But both of you still need to take care if your own, separate islands. You need to care for them, spend time there, clean them… but you can and should use them to do other things there, too. Relaxing, hobbies, meeting your own friends, even travels.
Please speak with your therapist not only about how a relationship should be, but also about your perception of how people in general should be. It seems crazy to me that your husband barely got any alone time, yet you thought he needed MORE friends.
Basically, you need to learn to stop assuming. If your husband doesn’t ask for help with finding friends, don’t help. If you want to go somewhere, don’t assume he should or wants to come along, but ask him. He’s an adult, not a little kid who has Mommy decide what’s going on. And he is also not a project for you to manage.
I hope things work out for you. And I hope you find that you truly love your husband, the way he wants to be, and not just him as an extension of you.
I would also think about your lack of frequency and you aren’t even married yet. It will only get worse, not better. 20, 30 or more years of very infrequent sex while she’s going out and cheating on you with married men. That’s a great feeling let me tell you.
Run.
It's easier to blame you than to confront her own deep rooted and conflicting issues.
Word of advice mate – leave now and never look back. Accusing you of rape is incredibly malicious and dangerous, irrespective of her own issues. What if she told somebody? Your life could be ruined over something you didn't even do.
No good can come from this situation. Leave her and save yourself.
Why did you get married at 18 to a man who wanted to control you? And then why did you go on to have two children with him?
“He won't let me get a job” is not a thing. He cannot stop you from getting a job. Start working, save money, and divorce him.
I tried to talk to him about it and he had very little to say. He was very quiet the whole conversation and it was awkward. He seemed annoyed that I was feeling this way when he’s already feeling stressed and busy.
I’ll do some more research before I actually attempt this.
Update.
If anyone cares I somewhat have a plan I think. I’m going to wait just a few days and do my best to act normal. I’m working on my masters so she knows I’m EXTREMELY stressed for the upcoming finals week and all the projects and work I have the next 2.5 weeks. I can easily use that for reasoning for my unusual behavior if she suspects anything because it’s also true. I think I’m going to give myself some time to cool down to avoid suspicion. I am going to contact a lawyer so that I have advice on what I can and can’t do, especially in the face of divorce. I don’t believe this man knows she’s married so based on any more information I can find, I might contact him to give him a heads up and see if he’ll give me any info. If I’m wrong and he tells her something, I’ll be ready for that situation and will know my answer. Assuming he doesn’t know, I will print out our conversation and the bill to show her I know. I’m not sure how I feel right now and I don’t trust her. So I need extra time to find more answers.
I feel so blindsided and I’m so hurt right now. I just can’t justify in my brain how she’d talk to someone that much in a short span since she only started talking to him 2 weeks ago and already has 6K texts between them. Even if it’s a new friend, that’s extremely unusual and I’m just preparing for the worst.
For anyone who doesn’t know, I can’t the number from a separate phone and got the guy’s voicemail and first name. I have a friend who is willing to meet with my friend and talk about her relationship with my wife to see if my wife has anything to say. Thank you all for your help.
Was thinking that but ended up telling her with sparing details and she didn't make a big deal about it