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Agree. This is the only important consideration if they are otherwise aligned on values
She wants to be with you and does not want you dating other people, she just can’t say it
I’m in my late 30s married with kids. My husband got mad at me and refused to talk to me. Literally as I’m speaking shut his eyes and turned away. I took sometime and I told him that’s abusive and immature and if he ever did that again to me without any communication of needing time or space it will be the absolute last time he will see me. I have a history with a very abusive ex that started with getting mad at me and not talking for days and days and then I would go back like a kicked dog and emotional and mental abuse almost always leads to physical.
My case is extreme I understand but basically what I’m saying is I may be sensitive to this kind of situation, but I like to thinkthat I’ve lived almost a decade more than you have right now and what I have learned is. No matter what you did this type of communication or rather lack. There of communication is so wrong on so many levels. It’s so hurtful and I’m telling you it doesn’t get better. It doesn’t change it will probably get worse the next time he’s mad at you, and I know that this is leaps and bounds further than what you’re dealing with right now, but I just want to offer some perspective because I have been there and I would never ever ever be there again and if one of my daughters is ever in the situation, I will give them the same advice. Do not ever let your partner your equal the person who is supposed to Love you the most in this world treat you worse than they treat a stranger. You are worth more than that and you need to remember that I saw a commentof someone telling you what kind of text to send him boyfriend that I’m taking this as a break up so I can move on etc. I fully agree with that and that because I would need my own closure. I would have to send that text message but then I would move on and I urge you I urge you so full heartedly please move on you are worth more than that. This is how he deals with conflict in his relationship. What is he a freaking toddler? No honey please no.
Lol not his responsibility. What would be fair and kind would be for the girlfriend to be happy for her boyfriend getting an awesome job and moving forward. This is a college resident advisor job. This isn't a career. Again, ITS NOT HIS MONEY.
“Yeah, hey mom and dad. I'm going to need you to give my girlfriend that $10,000 you are saving on my tuition for the job I landed. I mean, it's totally your responsibility to pay her for something I've done!”
GTFO with that dumbassery.
Your insecurities are going to ruin your current marriage.
Get therapy. You just weren’t for him and people change. A person at 20 usually isn’t the same person at 30, and if they are, god help anyone in a relationship with them if their mentality is still stuck in their 20s.
He wanted an polygamy lifestyle and marriage was clearly wrong for him.
Do you want a polygamy marriage with all your insecurities and wondering if the other women are better than you? No, I doubt it.
You two are simply not compatible.
Please get therapy if you are this upset over an ex and this insecure. You are going to make your husband and children think they’re not good enough. Is that what you want?
If he goes through with it, its not your fault. He needs help and its his responsibility to seek it out. You let his support system know he is struggling, maybe in danger, and that is by far the best (and only) thing you can do.
If he ever contacts you saying he's about to do it (immenently and not abstractly “sometime in the future maybe”) then you call the police. They will take care of it from there. He will get the help he needs or learn a valuable lesson in “crying wolf.” Those ambulance rides aren't cheap.
Ive been on both sides of this spectrum so I want you to know you've done your part and nothing he chooses to do going forward reflects on you. He is responsible for his actions and his choices. He is unstable and he needs help. That's his responsibility to himself.
I’m sorry for what you are going through but it’s time to take action. Why give a cheater a pass? Why feel bad when they don’t?
It’s time to get busy! Lots of good advice here on next moves and you can reach out to anyone privately for support and a sounding board. But you NEED a lawyer. Whatever happens a lawyer will give objective legal advice and keep you financially safe.