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Dump her NOW! Do NOT wait!
NTA!
She’s asked for space. You need to give it to her. Not everyone can handle being long distance. Don’t show up at her house, even if you plan for a hotel. She clearly stated she doesn’t want that. You cannot and will not win her over if you refuse to listen to her and respect what she needs
I find the fact you’re sexualizing a child sleeping in the same bed as their mother gross. When my husbands away on a business trip my kids come and sleep on my bed and we stay up late watching movies and eating popcorn. There is nothing sexual about any of that and it’s nice bonding time with my kids.
It’s your boundary and he doesn’t respect it. His violent and childish outburst was unacceptable. (/(And somewhat premeditated, I’d bet. He knew your response and thought he could coerce/guilt you into breaking a boundary since he made you breakfast in bed. That’s very manipulative).
He glad he’s gone, for now. If he wants to come back, you need to have a Lilongwe conversation that your boundary is a dealbreaker. Think naked if you really want him back.
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Abusive? I paid this girls bills for 5 years, she paid for nothing. I worked around the clock and provided for her, and she lied , gaslighted and mentally abused me. These are my values. Nothing abusive for setting clear boundaries. She can choose to stay or leave.
I'm a guy and I've been to a strip club once. My FIL and my wife family took me there. I know it wasn't cheap but there were a bunch of us there. AS for how much was a lap dance? I think it was $50 each. But I never got one. My FIL and his brothers/uncles/cousins all got them. I sat there and talked to the girls and my gay BIL all night. The girls would hang out with us cause I don't drink and I wasn't all over them and of course my Bill being gay, they were totally safe near us. It was a really dumb night honestly. I never wanted to go, I think it's a waste of money personally. And of course I didn't really want to hang out with my wife's family. That side of the family is super racist among other things.
Anyways, I think they were like $50 each. And not in a big town or anything.
Yea in hindsight I agree with that. I have asked her have a conversation with me about the other stuff.
1) If I was him I would think you were absolutely fine with him doing it inside. That was the most unclear communication.
2) I'm not sure why the hell is he cumming inside a 20 year old. He is way too old for you.
3) you're not worried about getting pregnant? Are you exclusive? I think you need to think about this situation a bit more.
Talking about marriage as a general concept? Sure, perfectly fine and normal. Asking for a 100% commitment to be married and sobbing when she doesn’t get it? That is red flag city. She sounds very immature and like she doesn’t have an understanding of what a serious commitment marriage is. I realize the difference in your ages is only four years but it sounds like you have a very very immature a 24-year-old on your hands.
I’d have a talk with her and say that you are concerned that she’s looking for a lifelong commitment after four months and you want her to be very clear that you can’t give that. And that you can’t give her a timeline for when or if you will feel that way. What you need to look out for here is that if you aren’t crystal clear with what you say to her, she is going to twist it in her head in someway to make it seem like you said you want to marry her. So make sure your communications are unambiguous if you intend on staying with her.
You’re not losing much by dumping him. He’s got some deep rooted commitment issues. Toxic is the way I’d describe that friendship.
To me that means you went longer than she wanted to, she was giving signals that she was done but you didn’t pick up on it.