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This sounds like the healthiest relationship I’ve ever seen here.
Hence the reason I told you to get a lawyer. She's not willing to change her behavior. She was perfectly fine with you honoring that end of the agreement that she made. But she is decided that she is above the agreement and that it's perfectly fine for her to be cooking and hanging out with other men in their home in private and lying to her husband about it. That's not trustworthy behavior. That's not something you can just overlook.
I think you're overreacting.
I play a video game competitively — organized team and everything. The first team I was on, the five of us were hanging out, practicing and having fun, and one of the other players said, “I'm so glad all of you are friends.” And we immediately jumped on him because he had, whether inadvertently or not, excluded himself from that statement, implying that he didn't think of us as his friends; and, though I have since left the team, to my knowledge it is still a running joke that the other members are not friends with him. “You're not our friend! We don't like you!”
The point I'm trying to make is that jokes are contextual. What you can say to one person without offending them may be completely different than what you can say to someone else without offending them. And it's possible that your boyfriend has the kind of friendship with this girl where they can say things which would normally be offensive.
There's also the fact that you were spying. Might she have made that joke to your face? I don't know, but I can guarantee you that she didn't think she was. You should always know your audience, but you can't criticize her for not knowing her audience when you change that audience without her knowledge.
Now, none of this is a smoking gun. Is it possible that they are secretly doing things behind your back? To be blunt, it is. I can't rule that out one way or another. What I can tell you is that everything in this exchange can also be explained away by the mere fact of them being platonic friends.