Firstly, I never implied you are a red flag for not wanting to be kept a secret. It is a red flag that you have decided that his explanation isn’t valid & that you turned up at his house unannounced to try and force an outcome that you want.
He gave you an explanation, which is 100% valid. Not everyone gets along with their family. Not everyone likes their family. If he has given you no reason to mistrust him, then you should accept his reasons. He doesn’t have to tell you any details at all if he doesn’t want to. They might be deeply personal. They might be completely superficial or stupid. But they are his reasons, and he doesn’t have to tell you if he doesn’t want to.
Based on your post, there is nothing in there about him actively hiding you from everyone in his life, and keeping you secret from everyone. Only that he doesn’t want you to meet his family.
Firstly, I never implied you are a red flag for not wanting to be kept a secret. It is a red flag that you have decided that his explanation isn’t valid & that you turned up at his house unannounced to try and force an outcome that you want.
He gave you an explanation, which is 100% valid. Not everyone gets along with their family. Not everyone likes their family. If he has given you no reason to mistrust him, then you should accept his reasons. He doesn’t have to tell you any details at all if he doesn’t want to. They might be deeply personal. They might be completely superficial or stupid. But they are his reasons, and he doesn’t have to tell you if he doesn’t want to.
Based on your post, there is nothing in there about him actively hiding you from everyone in his life, and keeping you secret from everyone. Only that he doesn’t want you to meet his family.
That's no good, you have to be able to discuss stuff together.
It doesn't sound like she's contributing much to the relationship, tbh