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Uh, plenty of people can have threesomes and involve other people in their sex life without it tanking the relationship. You don't have to be a sPeCiAl sNoWfLaKe to think you can do it.
Sorry, but you need to be prepared to move out on your own. You have a serious convo with your gf that you want to be out by certain timeline, such as within 3 months or whatever you think you can tolerate. You need your own space. And then you need to be prepared to find an apartment or something with roommates, and you tell her she is welcome to come visit you (NOT to on-line with you, unless she's prepared to pay rent), and you're doing your best to stay nearby or within convenient travel on the subway/bus, but in order to preserve your relationship you need to move out. Don't look at it as leaving your girlfriend behind, but taking your own step forward so you can reach back out behind you and bring her with you eventually.
Yes, there is value in not disclosing the crush to the BF. I think there needs to be more discussion about that. If the bestie does the healthy thing and withdraws for a while, I don't think that OP necessarily needs to invade bestie's privacy to explain the besties absence to the BF.
GF needs to get used to your ex as you coparent a child.
Time for the talk that your son has rights in the home as much as she does and if that means her seeing your son and his mom together, she needs to learn to deal with it.
I personally am seeing red flags that will be affecting your son, please proceed with caution in this relationship!
He’s not changing. You can do much better than him but you have to be determined yourself.
He has problems he’s not ready to face. That could take years or never.