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It sounds to me like you have a hard time establishing boundaries, but you’re aware of the issue (“people pleaser”), your boyfriend is being very respectful and trusts you, and even Ed is respecting your relationship. The problem seems to be that you start to priorities whoever is most present in your life without even intending to, and Ed is “requesting” your attention by issuing invitations and triggering that instinct without any malicious or even manipulative intention on his part.
It’s really good that you realized you reacted irrationally to your boyfriend letting you know he felt de-prioritized and that you apologized and your boyfriend accepted that apology. I think you two communicate well enough that you can tell your bf Ed came over, and you felt like it would be shitty to flat out refuse to talk to him. Let your bf know you are telling him because you don’t want to be hiding it because that would make it feel like you were doing something illicit. So you can acknowledge that somebody who considers you a close friend doesn’t understand why you’re suddenly ignoring him, but you are still committed to prioritizing your bf.
Along that line, things will probably go a little more smoothly if you just let Ed know that you will be moving, soon, but even before that you will not be around/available as much because you’ve realized you haven’t been making enough time for your boyfriend and you need to remedy that and save your leisure time for him. It will probably cause less drama than ghosting Ed and not letting him know why things have suddenly changed.
If Ed gets insistent, you can ask your bf to help you keep your boundaries firm, but from your descriptions here I think all three of you are acting in good faith, here 🙂
Yes! I went on a men hiatus after my dating history included a serial cheater, a raging alcoholic, and a guy who I thought was cool until he got me away from my family and isolated. I went “holy crap, what do I need to change this”
Not that what happened to me was my fault. No. But patterns are patterns and I need to teach myself to look for early warning signs and set better boundaries. Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man.
You have to cut your losses. I am sorry about the dog. My last shitty ex had a dog I loved with all my heart, and letting go hurt, but it’ll get better.
Was something from before we met where I had been interested in being a sugardaddy but never really did anything about it. I had the horrible idea to use that, thinking girls would be like wow let's talk to this guy.
Then I just realized I didn't want or need any of that. I should have realized it before making the account but I thought I would sound cool and would get flirting practice with people I would never meet nor care about. (I'm a damaged individual but I thank god I stop myself when I get self ruining thoughts). My gf is enough for me and I know that, I feel that constantly.
I planned on just being casual flirty but I stopped myself before that stage but not before I made the account..
Look. Sometimes cheaters can be forgiven and you can repair things – it’s an unpopular opinion (for good reason) but it does happen.
HOWEVER. Usually in these cases there are mitigating circumstances – chronic stress or problems that neither individual caused and someone cracks. New jobs etc making someone feel neglected. Substance abuse, all sorts of things. But again, usually the cheating itself is a one night mistake after drinking too much or feeling low – and the cheater feels just as crushed as their partner they betrayed. Even despite all this, there is no guarantee someone will be able to forgive and move on, but it can happen.
But a six month long concealed affair? While you were ENGAGED??? No. This was never going to be reconciled – she does not respect you, you are just the safe option. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but honestly OP you are just setting yourself up to be walked all over and used. Get out of there, heal, enjoy your life as a single person, and then one day find someone who actually loves you and will treat you as a priority
not necessarily however, as an adult woman myself, the lengths the “friend” went to seem excessive if they truly are just friends. i could be wrong but every “friend” of a taken man who goes to lengths to see said man, have had feelings for him. i just don’t think that having an issue with another woman sleeping at your significant others place that you have a key to, is insecurity.
Huge red flag! Not to mention the embarrassment he caused you by being seen by your cousin. ? Talk about low self-esteem and low-value man behaviour.