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Sounds like a dick, good riddance
If he's telling everyone your problems for sympathy or to avoid conflict, move on.
Not everyone's style of problem resolution matches up. I personally find that an extreme betrayal of trust to gossip around to everyone we know or the internet at large instead of addressing things with me directly.
Maybe if it was a one off, okay, you needed advice! But at some point you're living more through discussion with outside persons than you are living with me in this relationship.
To me this is childish and avoidance, trying to get your opinion backed up with random others when in reality only two opinions require consideration and respect, both of yours.
So I'd move on to a partner, not a gossip
You got married when 21/19 and you two aren't aligning as you get older. Color me shocked.
You're sensible. Divorce and get your life together. You're EXTREMELY young and can find someone that appreciates and loves you.
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It sounds like your mum is in denial. There are really two options: either she cheated or was assaulted. If it’s assault she might not want to relive the experience.
If it’s cheating, she might be so guilty, and have lived with it for so long, that she’s having trouble processing what’s happening right now. It’s also worth considering that she didn’t know. Not for sure anyway. If she had sex with your dad and another man in the same period, she likely also thought/hoped that you were biologically her husband’s.
I think she needs therapy to get past this denial and face up to whatever happened. I know I might get downvoted here but…your parents sound like they had a lovely relationship overall and that you were a happy family. So I hope things can be worked through and fixed. I wish you the best.
She is using you for your resources. Time to dip.