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Birth Date: 1991-04-25
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If it's not enough for you now, I hate to say this, it will only get worse. As you get older you have more responsibilities, esp. if you have kids. My man wants it more than I do. He's a mature man and deals with it. Good luck.
Run from her
84 days sober here and I suggest getting yourself into some therapy to work through everything that you're struggling with. Professional help saved my life. I've relapsed three times in nearly 3 years – which is proud of. You need to take that responsibility in your recovery. Nobody else can make you drink.
You should consider not getting him anything. It sounds like that's what he really wants, and you're tearing yourself up worrying about it.
I just read the TL;DR. Glad it was at the top
I don't think you want advice here, OP.
We all usually agree that cheaters cheat and there is no going back from that.
Emotional cheating is all you are aware of at this point. If you caught him, instead of him fessing up, why do you believe that's all there is?
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So first thing is that no, you can't have a child in this relationship- not now and not unless major things change. You don't have the money, you would be doing it alone, and it doesn't sound like your wife is in a place where she would even be good around a child, let alone help you. And I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's the reality of where you are- she couldn't help raise a child if she can't make a meal (no judgement there, chronic pain is real), you worry about ordering takeout so you certainly don't have the money to raise a kid, and if she has suicidal thoughts and anxiety attacks that are not under control, how would you handle that with a child in the home?
I do believe people should stick together even in tough times- like if I had cancer I hope my partner would sacrifice to stay with me- but there are limits. What do the doctor's say? Is she getting all the help she can for both her mental and physical health issues? Is she sticking with a program that doctor's suggest? If the answer is no, I think it is totally fair to expect her to be doing everything she can to improve her health, and also appreciate that some issues are not going to be cured, just managed.
And let's say she is doing absolutely everything the doctors say- including going to the doctors. Well, you are still deserving of a happy and fulfilling life. So then you have to make a decision, and you can decide to leave, and to leave in a way that treats her with kindness, like helping her move/find resources/etc. It is okay at some point to put yourself first.
My dad would get my mom flowers, cook breakfast for her and other stuff on Mother’s Day. Even though she wasn’t his mother, she was the mother of his children and he was showing appreciation for that.
Reading your update post, forget this douchebag. He doesn’t care about you, just what you do for him. Unfortunately it’s too late to give him divorce papers on his birthday but you can make them a belated gift.
OP stop going after this woman, and instead talk to your husband. I know you feel like going and talking to her was going to be the safest move, but it is clear she doesn’t want to talk to you. While you know in your heart you were just asking out of concern and in good faith, not everyone approaches people like that and she is well within her right to not tell you anything if she feels like that’s what she needs to stay safe. She has no way of knowing that if she tells you the truth, and your husband did come on to her, that she’s not going to start getting harassed by you for “inviting” that attention. For all she knows, your husband made up some tale about the conversation that put all of the blame on her and now you’re here to give her a piece of your mind about trying to steal your husband. I mean for chrissake, you’re already showing up with unannounced on her doorstep and still staying to talk to her even when it was clear it was a bad time. You can’t assume that people are going to know what you know or how they will react. She made it clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with this, so go back to your husband.
Reddit has a tendency to scream “Red Flag! Run!” After the first transgression which isn’t always warranted.
In this case, I’d say it’s warranted to end the relationship for a couple reasons.
Obviously, your sexual preferences are not the same, and that’s okay. But you both obviously hold resentment about the other, for differing reasons.
The girl beforehand is obviously a sore subject, and rather than be respectful of that he chose to weaponize it to hurt you. Alcohol doesn’t make people say things they wouldn’t say otherwise, it makes them say things they feel, but suppress. I turn into a melancholy little sad boi when I drink, cuz that’s who I am when nobody is watchin
You sound like a calm collected partner and you deserve someone who would bring you into their world and make you feel safe.
It’s not always the case, but this one.. red flag. Run