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That's not a red flag that's a red ocean! Girl! Get outta there! I know that's easier said than done but you do NOT want the kind of hurt that is coming your way if you stay
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I have told him things are tight. He said he will start contributing, but never has. He didn’t contribute even before I was self employed and on a salary. Self employment has taken its toll financially on me.
I have two children who on-line with me full time which is why he’s always here. He sees his children 10 days of the month at his house as there isn’t room for everybody to be together in either house.
He is to old for you. Dump him.
The are also both relatively really young still. Doesn't matter how long they been together, if they are growing apart or not long term compatible
Is the corn still on the cob? Or has it been removed?
Be careful of what you wish for. You obviously wanted him for some reason and now you have him. He won't change and now you are stuck with him, YOU have to be the one to make changes unless you want to stay in a very obviously financially abusive marriage.
It sounds like you put up with a load a crap to get a ring and now you realise you made a VERY poor bargain.
Please don't have kids. Either get tough and keep your money or divorce. You don't have to be nice about it or get him to agree , he is also stuck with you remember!