Iiiiiiiii don't know… why do you feel like you have to bring this up at all? If this is a problem, it's not a problem with her, it's a problem with you.
You seem too focused on apperance, and if a little wight gain (not even alot) is enough to throw you of, I'm sorry to say it, you are not made for each other. And you are not what she needs right now.
Weight and appearance fluctuate a lot during our lives. Heck, even during a menstrual cycle appearance can be affected, and that's just within a month. Most people gain weight when they get older. If you ever get someone pregnant it would definately affect their appearance. Age will affect appearance. You need to be attracted to your partner on a deeper level, because what your partner looks like at 21 will not be what she looks like at 40 no matter what happens.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
It was completely wrong of her to manipulate and lie to you like that. There is nothing wrong with having sexual preferences about genitalia. It's totally normal.
Did you say some stuff you shouldn't have? Maybe. But first of all, you just discovered in the most shocking way possible you'd been lied to in a very significant way. Secondly, you had consented to sexual contact under a very reasonable and obvious assumption. That she manipulated you into sexual contact you did NOT give *informed” consent to makes it sexual assault in my eyes. Just because it doesn't fit the stereotypical notion of 'man forces sexual contact on woman using threats/force/coercion or when she is drunk' doesn't make it not sexual assault.
You have every right to feel deeply angry, betrayed, and disgusted. That you feel disgust is not inherently transphobic. It seems to me like you feel disgust not at her being trans. But at her lying to you about this in order to coerce you into a sexual relationship with someone whose genitalia doesn't align with your preferences. Not wanting to be with someone who is trans doesn't make someone transphobic.
I am sorry that you aren't getting support. On such a nude button issue, people blindly leap to the side that seems vaguely like the right one, but don't think further on it. I condemn transphobia too. But I will not assume that the moment there's a conflict and a trans person is on one side, that the other person is a bigot. Trans people are people. Which means they, just like cis people, can be assholes. They can be good, they can be evil. Like some bad cis people can use their identity as a weapon or way to justify evil, so can trans people. Sometimes the minority person is the bad one in a story. That's just a part of acknowledging personhood for us all
Yeah I’m pretty sure what this girl did is illegal. Especially if the boyfriend doesn’t know. And if he does, and he was ok with it, then I think she has her answer on if this is the right place to be.
Tough luck for you mate. She's given you reasons why she doesn't see it work (age, distance), so now you need to accept that and move on.
She might be in your head constantly now but it'll fade in a couple of weeks. Do not continue to chat because it'll keep your hope alive which isn't going to do anyone any good
Consent is important. Asking for consent is important.
Talk to a psychologist ASAP.
Iiiiiiiii don't know… why do you feel like you have to bring this up at all? If this is a problem, it's not a problem with her, it's a problem with you.
You seem too focused on apperance, and if a little wight gain (not even alot) is enough to throw you of, I'm sorry to say it, you are not made for each other. And you are not what she needs right now.
Weight and appearance fluctuate a lot during our lives. Heck, even during a menstrual cycle appearance can be affected, and that's just within a month. Most people gain weight when they get older. If you ever get someone pregnant it would definately affect their appearance. Age will affect appearance. You need to be attracted to your partner on a deeper level, because what your partner looks like at 21 will not be what she looks like at 40 no matter what happens.
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maybe he owned the home before they were married? if it were purchased during their marriage then the home is a marital asset already.
Hello /u/Charming_Tough1714,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
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This is called Prostitution and he wants to be your pimp. Absolutely do not do it.
It was completely wrong of her to manipulate and lie to you like that. There is nothing wrong with having sexual preferences about genitalia. It's totally normal.
Did you say some stuff you shouldn't have? Maybe. But first of all, you just discovered in the most shocking way possible you'd been lied to in a very significant way. Secondly, you had consented to sexual contact under a very reasonable and obvious assumption. That she manipulated you into sexual contact you did NOT give *informed” consent to makes it sexual assault in my eyes. Just because it doesn't fit the stereotypical notion of 'man forces sexual contact on woman using threats/force/coercion or when she is drunk' doesn't make it not sexual assault.
You have every right to feel deeply angry, betrayed, and disgusted. That you feel disgust is not inherently transphobic. It seems to me like you feel disgust not at her being trans. But at her lying to you about this in order to coerce you into a sexual relationship with someone whose genitalia doesn't align with your preferences. Not wanting to be with someone who is trans doesn't make someone transphobic.
I am sorry that you aren't getting support. On such a nude button issue, people blindly leap to the side that seems vaguely like the right one, but don't think further on it. I condemn transphobia too. But I will not assume that the moment there's a conflict and a trans person is on one side, that the other person is a bigot. Trans people are people. Which means they, just like cis people, can be assholes. They can be good, they can be evil. Like some bad cis people can use their identity as a weapon or way to justify evil, so can trans people. Sometimes the minority person is the bad one in a story. That's just a part of acknowledging personhood for us all
Yeah I’m pretty sure what this girl did is illegal. Especially if the boyfriend doesn’t know. And if he does, and he was ok with it, then I think she has her answer on if this is the right place to be.
Tough luck for you mate. She's given you reasons why she doesn't see it work (age, distance), so now you need to accept that and move on.
She might be in your head constantly now but it'll fade in a couple of weeks. Do not continue to chat because it'll keep your hope alive which isn't going to do anyone any good