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angry
Angry isn't good.
5 year relationship
recently got him on board for me to drink which is something he was previously not okay with (over 1 year ago). He has never drank or used substances
He has an ultimatum about weed
controlling or is this a fair compromise?
For the most part people don't change … though sometimes they might … if they want to. So yeah, generally changing people … and especially against their wishes … that's generally a no-go – or won't go well. So, you knew what you were getting into – should be no surprise … you pushed and got some compromise … and yet you're continuing to push more. Why? Do you want to break the relationship up? 'Cause that's the direction you're pushing it. You keep pushing, you might want to think long and hot about how important to you is what you're pushing for … vs. the relationship.
Awww. Baby wants spoonfed. What a catch.
Perhaps this bridges the gap between you two: I did a lot of reading about the poly community and boundary setting. The way I look at it is a boundary is an expression of need for yourself. Controlling is dictating the behavior of another.
Exactly. This is the message that I've been trying to convey, boundaries are rules created for ourselves. If we create rules for others, that is a controlling behavior.
So for instance: no overnights with other partners is controlling.
I need to feel prioritized in our relationship and I need your help to feel that. This allows the person to meet the need in multiple ways, perhaps it’s no overnights, but perhaps setting Sundays as home partner day, fills the need and allows for the overnights he/she wants.
In your specific situation perhaps the same applies .it sounds like him looking at porn over your shoulder hurts and you feel like he doesn’t appreciate you or isn’t attracted to you and whatever other feeling come with that.
Perhaps you need him to put effort into providing you that comfort. Maybe not looking at porn is that way. Maybe doing a nightly think to make you feel special does it for you (making dinner, drawing a bath, making time to have a good conversation).
Point being, I don’t think you want the action to stop as much as you want the negative feelings to stop.
I could not agree more with what you've written here. That is why I was asking the question of why she had a problem with Insta girls and porn.
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Yeah we had a lot of these convos before. We had what i call a very healthy sex life with a lot of unconventional stuff we liked so talking about boundaries and such was important.
I'm assuming you broke up with her. This is her way of trying to guilt you
He likes to cuddle up, actually feels like rejecting him when not cuddling up while being in the same bed. But to be fair – I am wondering now why I'm not sleeping in the same bed but just not on his arm or smt, the hotel beds are quite small though.
I would like to comment on a different aspect of your situation. There is a common attitude that a marriage proposal and a “yes” is a binding commitment to get married. My attitude is that it is an agreement to start in-depth negotiations and exploration. At the end of it, you may have a clear harmony of values and commitment to each other, which you announce by getting married. Or, you discover a mismatch of values or an area of inadequate commitment, which you avoid by not getting married.
It sounds like your engagement is already successful, because it has surfaced important issues for you both to negotiate. Good for you! I hope it goes well.
But certainly, do not hold a wedding until you have worked those issues out.
Ah I see. That is quite a pickle. It may be that you two aren’t sexually compatible because of this. Then again, it sounds like your gf just wants to feel like she’s making you feel good rather than all the focus being on her.
Sweetheart he raped u. I hate u had to go through that but please get away from him. Make him an ex. He may have needs but u do to. U need someone who isn’t going to SA u. Please leave him. I would also text him and kinda make him admit what he done and go to the police please. He may do that to the next girl.
U/birthdayagile4865 I’m not sure if this will tag you but I’m begging you. I cannot emphasize this enough in my comment. Leave. Please.