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God knows best.
You know this isn’t about him truly thinking his “method” is correct, right?! It’s about control and dominance. He wants you and your family to experience, suffer from, and show deference and submission to his giant shits. That’s why he doesn’t want you to solve the problem. It would lessen his “impact”.
I’ve got a similar story. Not nearly as disgusting, but the same component is definitely there, so maybe it will make it more clear for you. I’ve long since booted this person out of my life, BTW…
So I like to have the kitchen clean before I go to bed so when I start my day I can walk into a clean kitchen and make a cup of coffee before I get in the shower. It’s important to me. It sets the tone for how my whole day starts. It’s the same reason I make my bed every day, so when I arrive back to it in the evening, things feel like they’re not in disarray. (And oddly enough, he worked naked to undermined that, too.)
So the kitchen…he would drink beer at night, and ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to dispose of the cans as he emptied them. Instead he would stack them on the counter by the back door. There was a trash can in both the kitchen and a the larger one was like three steps outside the back door. But he stacked them anyway, every night, and eventually dispose of them the next day…but well after my opportunity to experience waking up to a clean kitchen had passed. Usually after I’d left for work.
For years I asked him to throw them away as he emptied them. It oscillated between joking exchanges to outright pissy responses, but it never changed. I had been refusing to throw them away or walk them out to the can because I wasn’t going to clean this up for him. He needed to do it, right? Turns out there was more to it than laziness.
See, he WANTED to fuck up my mornings. It was the whole purpose. He knew what I wanted, what was important to me in my living environment. So what was important to him was that I NOT get it. That I be forced to regard and live in deference to his massive, trashy pile.
This became clear when one night before bed, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I asked him yet again to “please get these cans before you go to bed”. I got yet another pissy, passive aggressive response. So I opened the back door and started carting the empties myself to the can myself. And he lost his mind. He jumped up, enraged, went to the outside can, DUG THE EMPTIES BACK OUT, and restacked them on the counter! Screaming at me the whole time.
That was when it became clear what was actually happening here. And also happening with the sabotaging of my bed-making, as well as a couple of other simple tasks.
It wasn’t about his methods or habits being superior, or justified, or his laziness, or his stubborn unwillingness to do anything differently that might solve it, or just bad habits. It was 100% about MAKING me suffer in small, passive aggressive ways. To make me “take it” from him, and deal, to submit to a less-pleasant living environment and ultimately to keep me mildly upset in very small but accumulative ways.
And I’m certain that’s what’s going on in your situation, too. Your much, much nastier situation. But the motivation is the same.
Unless you know the guy, don’t get involved.
If a man forcefully came inside a women these responses would be very different.
You have every right to be upset.
You should t be in a relationship. You are in no shape mentally and all it will do is make you hate each other. Your behaviour is outrageous. Feeling jealousy doesn’t mean you have to act on it. If you can’t control yourself you can’t be in society. Do you act this way with everyone? You are controlling, exhausting, insecure and inappropriate. You stomp over peoples perfectly normal boundaries then cry victim. You are toxic. Pack it in.
With all due respect, fuck this loser.
You know there are men out there who will celebrate your victories as their own? And they won’t get jealous or competitive. And they won’t scream at you loud enough and frequent enough to get you evicted
In relationships, this kind of thinking is unhealthy. If you approach issues as your problem vs. her problem, you will always be going against each other. The healthiest way to approach issues is both of you vs. the problem.
Of course, you can't fix her anxiety, and it's her responsibility to learn coping mechanisms and to understand her triggers. But you can still work as a team and choose to see this as something to get through together instead of putting it entirely on her.
Then she might just feel a little awkward, let it go and give it time.
If you try to confront her now you'll just make things worse.
?? wow your 25 please tell me you dint believe this.
It's not a prank he cheating,
Break up with him and have more respect for yourself ??‍♀️
Please read the article “She divorced me because I left dishes in the sink”
It’s not about the trolling, it’s about how she feels disrespected and unloved because you continue to do something she asked you not to.
Set boundaries. Yes affirmation from people is important but not the way she wants it.
I’m gonna be really honest here- and I know you will not like the answer- but take it at face value. If they have asked this- it’s done. As much that sucks, trust me- it’s easier than them cheating and destroying you that way. Just end it. 6 years was a good run- but you are young- go explore the world- take some good solo trips- take some friend trips- find who you are as a person on your own. Then and only then can you move forward- killing yourself every minute of everyday- in an open relationship- is no way to live!. Good luck. I hope you can move on and create the life you deserve.