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Why don't you answer my question instead of writing something that isn't relevant ?
Ouch. IMO there is no way to satisfy a narcissist, they only allow slaves or traitors. If you become a slave, you are will likely have a mental break down; or sacrifice yourself and die trying (which will NOT be enough for her); or your BF will break up with you.
If you become a traitor, they will blame your BF or weaponise any word or action; regardless they will thrive on the outrage. There are no good options.
Either way, IMO I would move out and go low contact, try to become a smaller target; find value and meaning beyond your mum; and move on with your life as it's too short to waste on the petulantly destructive.
This is one of the things I would do if I choose to stay.
Do you see her as your long-term partner?
You say that you wanna wait a couple of years. Till your more stable financially. If your schedule gets screwed up, would it be the end of the world?
Was it a joke? Probably. Was the joke in good taste? No If you feel it's a threat to your grand plans. Drop her
I'm siding with her. You are being too sensitive.
Thank you for making these points, people on Reddit are so rabid sometimes to be as nasty as they can possibly justify. Why would you even want to argue that someone is responsible for being abused? Regardless, twisting the knife doesn't benefit OP at all so the best move for her own soul is to either respond civilly and neutrally or stay out of it altogether.