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To be honest, if that how you see the situation, you neeed a better therapyst.
BUT you are doing correct by taken accountability of letting him harm others, even if you were scared of him. But that WONT make you responsible of him, not then, not now.. That at most makes you responsible of being a coward and let that cowardice make you take bad decisions.
I’m with you in this specific situation that I wouldn’t have driven.
But in general, I am not a fan of the “package deal” concept. I have a friend who is a real doll but we don’t invite her to anything anymore because she always brings her husband even when he’s not invited and it’s literally a “ladies lunch”. He’s a super nice guy and we like him. But having him there changes the dynamic and when we only get to see each other a few times a year, her dragging him along is annoying AF. So we don’t invite her anymore.
I think people should be able to do things independent of their partner and shouldn’t assume or insist that their partner is welcome at every thing. Same for people with kids. If your kids aren’t invited, leave them home or don’t come.
But again, in the “uninvited” scenario in the OP, that was a douche move at the last minute and I wouldn’t have driven them and would have been hurt if I were the GF and my partner had gone anyway.
I'm sick of them.
You've found the real problem.. it's not about your boyfriend at all but about them. They're terrible people.
So… why subject yourself to their poor treatment? “They're family” isn't good enough.
Am I being naive about the fact that maybe she just doesn’t want to be a with me after all?
Impossible to say but when someone says they need a break, give it to them. then you take that time to explore other people and decide if you still want to stick around with someone who needs to be away from you to figure out if they want to be with you.
“take as long as you need. I too will do the same. When you decide, mabye I will be here maybe not” Should do the trick..Sure sounds like its over when someone asks for a break and they dont see a future with you….just agree my man and give her all the space and time she needs. Just dont wait around, pining away. Use that time, I assure you she is.
It’s grief. You are grieving the life you thought you were going to have. There are steps to grief you might want to read on just to understand it better… and know what you are feeling is totally normal. It just takes time.
Don't stay friends. It'll be very hot for you to lose feelings and move on from her. She's not a friend.
I mean you might be bisexual. I was in a similar situation with my ex husband and ended up telling him I wanted to be with him and also date other people especially girls. Except I had been married to him for 7 years and I grew up Mormon so my parents pressured us to get married when I was 19. It was too much for him and we didn’t end up staying together. Now though, I’m in a great relationship with primarily a girl, I have side relationships with a couple, and another man as well. I feel a lot better living the way I feel is truest to what I really want out of dating and emotional/sexual relationships. So my advice is really ask yourself what you want. If it is to explore this urge then be honest with your partner. If they no longer want to be in a relationship with you after the revelation that’s their right, but you gotta be honest about what you’re feeling.
The simpler answer is to do nothing. There was no problem before, there's no problem now. If she doesn't want to see what's on there, blocking her is an effective fix to keep that from happening. Out of sight, out of mind.
Are you guys still long distance?
How does she know that this won’t happen again the next time you go away somewhere without her?
What? Hang out with locals?
Oh my! The horror!
I'm not really looking to date. Just venting as a means to rationalize feelings and have a conversation with other peeps.
Thank you for the thoughtful response!
… then why do you need to ask their permission? Obviously you can talk to them about it but the whole asking permission thing is extremely weird.
No this is not salvageable and is cruel to him.
What? Do you think English is the only language you can explain things properly in or something? Pretty sure OP can understand things in her language just fine.
It almost sounds like she was just treating this as some weird experiment.
Sucked that it happened. Go monk mode and glow up lol.
He sounds abusive. 3 weeks sober isn't nearly long enough to consider staying with this guy. He would need AA or a therapist or something and maybe 6 months or a year sober for this to even be worth considering. He's a mess and if you try to help him he'll reward you with more abuse. To him you're the problem because you're trying to come between him and the alcohol. Not a safe place to be.
I love these posts that are like “she's really sweet and nice” then go on to list at least 3 reasons as to why that infact was not true. She's jealous, she is making you feel like a rapist, jealous and controlling. You can't have pretty friends? Dude just leave this is just gonna get worse and worse.
My partner was with his ex for almost 7 years before me. Their relationship ended due to him sleeping with their mutual married friend.
But you decided he was still a good choice to be your partner.
He's probably exhibiting the same behaviour he did back then. Up to you what you do.
Rug-sweep it and ignore it and accept the fact he's going to talk to her, hope it doesn't go further. Reiterate that you don't want him to have contact and hope he stick to it this time. Tell him that if you catch him having any contact at all then you're walking. Walk away now before he cheats on you.
Four alternatives, choose wisely.
You're in love with the idea of him, not who he actually is. Otherwise you'd realize just how garbage he is.
You'll never give yourself the chance to be in a healthy relationship if you don't leave.
What is the reason to move to a new country? Better job prospects? Education? Or the guys there are better looking and hotter? The hooking up culture is better there?
Hey OP, this is probably him projecting. Many cheaters accuse their partners of cheating, so I would consider this carefully and take a step back. There may be other signs.
Or, he may not he cheating, but this could be a spiral into more controlling and abusive behaviours. Many women who have experienced DV will recall similar experiences around controlling behaviours.
Caregiver burnout. U need to talk to her & say these things.. U need time away, to urself.
I am unable find a job if I cannot leave her for a hour without receiving call on top of call
What part of the process is she in with disability? Is she seeing drs reguraly? How many appeals? Does she have health insurance? Can check with them about getting her part time home help to take some load off of u.