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Just go ahead and say NO, and stop paying. If they really appreciate you for who you are, they will accept it. If they don't accept it, you just eliminated a lot of free riders that don't care about you, and only wanted to use you. And yes, the same applies to family. You can help, but is up to you, not an obligation.
why “ehhh”? do you think it's not a big deal? (genuine question btw)
I feel really guilty that I did not support him and was selfish and took from the relationship more than I gave into it the last few months.
Ok, so I get why you feel guilty, your bf has been struggling and you didn’t notice. But take a minute and think about it, HE didn’t even notice. If he didn’t even put two and two together, how were you suppose to? And even if he did know, did he tell you, ask fir what he needed? No, he did not, and you’re not a mind reader. That said, you’re absolutely right to feel bad that he felt bad, but the solution isn’t for you to take responsibility for this, it’s for HIM to learn to be more aware of his needs and speak up for them sooner. And ask for his needs to be met and warn to negotiate with you on that.
So I’d start with asking him what would help, what does he need right now. If he doesn’t know, use active listening skills and empathetic guessing (both easy to google) to help him figure it out. But ultimately this is on him to share what he needs, not on you to guess at it or do it for him with out him communicating it first.
Wow you really back him up here. But this does not rrmove the fact he kissed them. Ask him, has he ever been attracted to these women that he approached?
Wouldn’t that mean her relationship with you was toxic too? I don’t mean to criticize, just trying to point out that we are all flawed. Thank you for the suggestion though.
Let this be a warning ladies. Dicks like OP can also procreate
How did you and guy meet? How did she and him meet? When did you meet him? When did she meet him? Were you interested in him? Has he been flirting with the both of you?
This seems like a high-school drama…
If you have no idea this was actually her 'FTS', all you can do is say “Sorry, I didn't know”. If they don't accept that answer, so be it. Their problem, not yours to fix.
Additionally, if he was flirting with the two of you at the same time, he's probably no good for either of you. If he juggled the 2 of you, chances are there is more than 2…
At this point, I would even start standing up for yourself.
You two aren't bf/gf You two aren't even dating You two are just talking I had no idea he was the guy you've been interested in I apologized and cut contact. What else do you want me to do? Now, stfu about it and drop it.
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I can't with you kids.
That was the end of the conversation! There is nothing to respond to that. Conversation is over. Of course that is left on delivered.
Spark up a new one!!
All of your cons/reasons for leaving are huge giant waving red flags that you should absolutely pay attention to and definitely leave him over.
If your cons list is bigger than your pros list why the fuck would you even consider for a second that you should stay? Love is not enough. If you stay you'll regret it in the future.
You have an opportunity to leave that trash way of thinking behind. Take it.
I trust her even less now that she’s giving you a free pass. That makes me even more convinced she did something. No innocent person is that generous, it’s usually begging and therapy
He has checked out. I’m not sure there is anything to save.
Talk to a lawyer first! – do your homework now before you get started on this path. It will give you the upper hand. She sounds so distracted she probably will not pick up on the raft at all. Get your ducks in a row now. hopefully you guys will make some money on your house and when you move on, it will be enough to help you reestablish yourself. It also sounds like she’s got something secret going on – spending another second trying to figure out “is she or isn’t she?” Is going to make you crazy. You’re young enough for a full fresh start. Agree to the previous post saying there are so many dogs who need love. I know it sounds cold and painful bc you love your dogs so much. Where I online every rental allows dogs – do some research on a townhouse or something with a yard you can rent for a year or so while you get reestablsihed.
Is it something worth discussing with her, so you think? Is it worth saying her, you’re not doing anything wrong, but this is where I’m at, can I have a bit to evaluate? Or do I sit on it and wait to see how it goes?
She's running back to you now after having decided that there are no better options available. Don't be a back-uo plan. You deserve to be someone's first and only choice. Good luck.