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The fact that she doesn’t want a 2nd kid w you and will settle for anyone would be my dealbreaker. She shouldn’t have waited so long to have a kid. Y’all are in your 40s for god sake. You can’t compromise with kids. All should be on board. And she clearly doesn’t value your relationship over having another. This relationship is doomed.
Okay fair enough. But in her mind she thinks 2 half siblings will make for a better family dynamic? Like 2 is that important! Its like she wants a second one just incase the first one dont make it lmfao. If op has known this whole time idk why hes surprised and probs should just go with it. I understand biological clock is an issue
I truly think the best idea is to talk to B about this, like the first advice says. That will give him an idea that it's not him, but also he can make the choice and you don't have to feel bad either way. Hugs to you
I’m laughing so much and I feel so bad. ???
Yeah, he’s definitely hurt by it because men are always told : “it’s not the size, but its the motion in the ocean”, until it’s not. Just admit that you’ve had time to sit back and think about it and let him know that you came off insensitive and realized that that didn’t sound right and you understand why he’s upset. Apologize profusely and that “thing” you told him you’d NEVER do…it’s time for you to do it. ?
Its about personality and personal values and opinions
I already told his parents two days ago that i wanted to talk to them..how do i back out on this?
I'll put it this way. I have a lot of blood on my hands too. I tried the friend thing. And while romantically I understood that we were not likely compatible in my attempts to console myself and make up for the bad things I had done I came to increasingly rely on her affirmation. I became needy, constantly worried they were upset, prone to mood swings when I was anxious. In other words I went from an aloof toxic partner that kept them at arms length to a clingy toxic 'friend' hoping they could fix me.
In the end it all comes back to you and doing it internally. You can't rely on others to find peace, psychologically or philosophically. You have to go be that better person… helps others, support others, be the person she hoped you'd be as a partner so one day you can tell her she wasn't wrong to believe in you as long as she did. It won't undo the hurt you did but at least you online a life where you did more good than harm. Because if you continue as you are you risk becoming toxic again.
Yes, and the new beau will totally not run screaming when she breaks the good news to him.