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“I'm afraid I might seem too clingy or annoying”
“He is just too professional”
“which makes my job harder”
“I just really need him to notice me”
You don't need him to notice you. You're there to learn, he's there to teach. I'm sorry, but I'd say just focus on your studies and try to move on. He hasn't given you any sign that he's interested. The way you're speaking about him comes across needy/desperate and seems that you may have to grow up a little bit before you're ready to pursue someone like this.
TBH he already has you and the house so he probably is just comfortable and happy with things the way they are. My aunt lived with my uncle for 13 years. He was comfortable. Finally he wanted to buy a house and she said no until marriage. He put a ring on it and they’ve been married 20 years.
Why don't you propose?
No thanks dude, not into any substances.
Things being seemingly perfect but not actually being that way is a very common thing, unfortunately. Of course it’s hot. It must’ve been a shock to you. Let her heal from her past trauma and let yourself heal from losing her because of it. Maybe one day there will be a chance to reconnect, maybe not. Either way; she was being honest to you and that’s the only good you can take from it, along the positive memories. There’s nothing you could’ve done better or differently. She said you were perfect and that it isn’t your fault. Take that with you and try to move on.
Your feelings are valid. It's completely natural to know something is not working but not want to make such a huge change about it, that's a scary thing that takes a lot of courage. Just try to remind yourself that he isn't the only person in the world for you and there are plenty of people out there who are more compatible with you. The sooner you start to move on from this, the sooner you'll be able to find someone who wants children too. You'll be ok, you're stronger than you think!
I strongly suspect you are the side chick- but to answer your question about “getting proof” – why do you need any?
Your words paint a picture of a guy who is just not into this, even if there isn't another woman. He doesn't invite you to anything. He doesn't make an effort to see you. Won't occasionally take you to/pick you up from work even though it's right on his way. You say you've been dating for three years, but only official for six months- why did it take him so long to be official with you? He makes no effort to take part in your life- won't meet your parents, doesn't attend your events … etc, etc.
He's just not into you, or into being in a relationship with you. He's putting in no effort, you are doing all the heavy lifting and when you ask for more, his response is … Nahhhh.
Why are you willing to settle for no effort? You are worth so much more than this. stop waiting for him to pick you- pick yourself. Dump him, move on, and find someone who will actually match your effort.
You can't get a protective order by telling the judge “he gestured like he might hit me”, I don't think we are getting the whole story here.
Dump him not just because of the porn problem but because of the fact that 1) he’s disrespected you by allowing his friends to call you ugly and not defending you, and 2) him and his friends are disgusting sexists who think it’s cool to objectify women. If women post pornographic content of themselves, fine, but it’s different to trade nudes of nonconsenting people and sexualizing pictures of people who are fully clothed and also nonconsenting. Like other commenters have said, act like everything is fine for long enough to delete all your nudes from his phone and other devices, check to make sure he doesn’t have them backed up anywhere. Then RUN.
That is so fucked up.
Have you tried talking with your landlord? I explained the situation to mine and she has our back 100%. She said as soon as we give the word she'll have us sign a new lease and we can boot him. It's a good thing she's in our corner, ngl. We need an ally.
You can also try to get free consultations from lawyers to see what options you have. Advocacy groups for minorities may be able to help too. You guys live! with a racist. Iirc you have texts proving she's harrassing you. That's evidence, and it may be able to help your case.
He isn't being forced into anything! He made a choice to be with you. Unless there are other lying issues, ending your marriage over this is unwise IMO.
You are upset at just thoughts, thoughts that he felt comfortable and secure enough with you to share.
It doesn't sound like he has pushed it all and dropped it when you stated you weren't interested. Why does it bother you so much that he's thought about sleeping with other people? In the entire time you've been with him, you've never thought about what it would be like to sleep with someone else or perhaps had a fantasy he wouldn't feel comfortable indulging?
The commenters saying you would never be able to get this out of your head are frankly irresponsible and wrong. This is 100% something you can work through with time. If you want to divorce him for this and other reasons, fine, go for it! But to do it just over this is not a great reason. You are condemning for thoughts he has had and other thoughts you have projected onto him.
Nahhhhhhhh he’s not looking for advice for his own relationship.
He knows his relationship is already doomed. He thinks your gf is nude and that he has a shot if he plays the pity game.
Especially if he’s just a college classmate and never met you.
This isn’t a friend she grew up with, went to high school with, or something where it’s actually someone familiar where it wouldn’t raise any red flags.
Either your gf is too naive to see this or she’s into him too but will wait if he makes a move first.
The world of people today so proud of having sneaky links is disturbing.
Children's brains are like sponges. They will absorb the good and the bad. If your situation with your parents is a constant source of stress, that will affect your child. My parents have been arguing for over 50yrs. I told my sisters several years ago to try to minimize the amount of time they spend around them.
You know what’s happening, you just don’t believe she would do it. Almost every guy experiences a woman doing this to him in their life. Treat it as a learning opportunity.
I’d divorce him, he sounds like an awful partner, awful role model for your kids, and an awful person.
He’s sexually assaulted a stranger, cheated on you, and stolen/overspent money. If you stay married to him, your life will be one problem after another dealing with his “impulsive” side.
Fuck “his healing”. What about you, and your kids? You have been betrayed repeatedly by this man, and then go to bat and lie to everyone in your life to protect him.
Raise your bar. You deserve better.