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Maria and Viktor, 24 y.o.
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The real answer was a that OP needs to force his ex to pay child support. That money can go towards their kids fund
Sorry, just to check:
Did your friend know how much you liked this woman?
Did you make your intentions clear (really liked her/wanted a relationship/was sexually interested) to the woman, or were you guys more like friends?
Before your friend told you, what happened between you and the woman? Did you guys keep dating, did she ghost you, did she say she just wanted to be friends?
I don't know if the answers to these makes much difference, as them keeping it a secret from you was pretty scummy, but if they genuinely were ignorant about your feelings towards her, then I can see how they could start dating and not think of the impact on you.
So to add more context this is how our phone convo went when she called me:
Gf: hey I just got done dinner and drinks with my gf’s can I come over to the bar you are at?!
Me: Ummmm I mean it’s kind of just a guys night tonight
Gf: oh so you don’t want to see me tonight then??
Me: No! Not at all, it’s just that I haven’t really seen these guys in awhile and I was hoping to have a night with just them
click she hangs up the phone
I mean I definitely could have responded more lovingly in that situation I think, but I was caught off guard by the question and also a little tipsy myself. I wasn’t sure (in that moment) how to respond without hurting her feelings because by me saying no I knew it inevitably would. So queue the ummm and stuttering a few times before I said my first response. To which she said she felt “like I treated her like she was the last thing I wanted in that moment”. ?
I mean it sounds like you have done what you can and the ball is in your mom's court. She needs to make choices and changes, and only she can do that.