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I think you should have definitely put this in the post or atleast make an edit and put this in.
I did change my comment and think that you shouldn’t be with either. I think there is so much going in regards to you have having ADHD and bipolar and seems like that is affecting the decisions you make for yourself. You should have not started an affair with someone else without sorting out your marriage first. It think you made your life so unnecessarily messy.
I sincerely suggest to separate from your husband and keep your distance from your bf and invest in yourself. Continue therapy and make some progress in your mental health where you feel like you are capable of making rational decisions. Do it for you and your kids!