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Divorce.
But he knows that I know he uses them and it’s not a topic we discuss except when I initially found them years ago. Just a known fact at this point. Why hide a crap load in your truck and some used?
I didn’t say I know if she has cheated. I just don’t have evidence. I’m not going to assume she did. I always assume anybody can be lying at anytime but you have to give people the benefit of doubt. So the problem is I’m not able to do that now. I have to second guess everything. The issue with me is I have basically lost attraction to her now that I’ve seen this side of her. So I’m struggling with whether I even want to try and move forward.
“Don’t worry babe. I just like to put my penis in stuff.”
This is a tough one. Is she a decent mother? If so, you'd be doing a lot of irreparable harm separating your daughter from either you or her mother. Children separated even from bad parents do poorly and suffer a lot. That much more so when the parent is decent or good.
That said, I don't know what that means for you. You want to be careful not to sponsor a visa fraudulently. You can marry her for the kid rather than love, but if you intend to divorce as soon as she gets her green card, that's fraudulent. You don't want to get into legal trouble. I'd talk to an immigration lawyer and family lawyer – ideally a law office that specializes in both – to navigate this. Your goal should be to keep Mom and daughter in the same country as you, but there are different ways to go about it.
You didn’t consent to that and he did it anyway, making it sexual assault. Not sure why more comments aren’t pointing this out.
OP, I’m so sorry but you were assaulted.
As someone who has many cases of dealing with them, they live! longer than you think they do in carpet and fabric. That is why they suggest washing all possible infected linens immediately.
Also this is necessary if you can't get the outbreak controlled immediately. It is obvious that what they have tried has not worked, and when it doesn't you have to go drastic.
They don't have to provide anything – but usually they do.
No problem hun 🙂 I felt so alone in the beginning , couldn’t speak to my family or friends in fear of outing him when he was not ready to be.
If you have the means to do so, seek some therapy / counselling . I went through a lot of phases of self doubt, thinking I wasn’t “woman” enough and had turned him gay. Ultimately it does not work like that.
3 years on and me and him are living in the same city again and seeing each other for mate dates every few weeks , sometimes with our respective partners . This can work out for the two of you ?
Do you understand how hard it is to loose weight when you can pcos, nearly impossible .
“towards the end” you said this. If this was consent (I don't believe it constitutes consent) then it was obtained considerably later than it should have been.
From your reply it seems that there is a difference in approach when it comes to disagreements in a relationship. It sounds as if he may get defensive & take it personally – rather than seeing it as a constructive conversation to strengthen the relationship.
You are both very young and still learning how to navigate relationships. It’s up to you what you want for yourself. Communication is so important in EVERY type of relationship. It’s important to be and feel heard and respected.
What do you value in a relationship? What is your ideal relationship look like? How would you deal with disagreements? How would you handle hardships together?
Personally, I would then speak to him again. I know you have and I’m sure you are so exhausted of the same things – I always give it another attempt. (Even though most people didn’t deserve it ?) I would put it all out there and explain how you are both upset at the problem and not each other. Share with him how you are feeling about his reactions and responses to you.
If it’s the same thing – you have really think if this is what you want.
No one is perfect but there are fundamental things needed to make a relationship successful and worth while.
It’s not easy what you are going through ❤️ I hope I helped and made sense. ?
Why would you want to wait for marriage to online with someone!? That's frightening.
It feels like you have this boundary in order to press for marriage sooner than when you(both together) are ready as a couple to marry.
If sex isnt the reason you're waiting then pressure to marry must be. And that's very dumb and selfish.
The obvious compromise here is to live! together before engagement so you can get a feel for the area or he can.
Living together is how you know if you can even tolerate someone enough to live! with them.
If you're gonna insist on being stubborn about marriage with living with someone you may have to keep looking. Never actually heard of someone ok with a situation like that unless they are equally desperate for marriage. But marriage desperation doesn't make anyone a good spouse.
This has a tiny possibility that he hasn't seen yet your message or he forgot about it for some reason. It happens to me sometimes when I don't use my phone or block my notifications when I'm low and i don't want to speak with others buuuut is difficult to think that happened.
Usually men are not open with her feelings and try to resolve her problems by himself first, but trust in your guts in this situations. You know him for some time and what are his patterns when you speak with him. If he usually take some time to respond it can be normal even if you see an Instagram post, but yeah that feels like a punch in the face.
I have a similar situation with a friend that has anxiety and I like to give her space sometimes but if I think is important I try to contact her more than just messaging her.
To be honest, I'm trying to figure out if this is a troll post, because your lack of self-awareness here is slightly dumbfounding. You are demanding a great deal from him and offering nothing.
my mom helped me learn how to disconnect from my emotional feelings, but that was a long time ago. Counselors try to bring that up as a reason for my relationship difficulty but I think it's just simply that sex isn't my thing.
This is very telling. You are resistant to even a professional's opinion on your emotional state, you feel that you know better than the expert, while at the same time admitting an extreme emotional disconnect. This, in conjunction with the profound level of disregard you're displaying towards your husband, tells me there's way more going on here than just the fact that you don't want sex.
I also need him to understand sex is just something other people do but it's not something we need in our otherwise good marriage.
Why do you get to unilaterally decide what “we” need? You are free to decide what you need, you are not free to decide what he needs. And no, your marriage is not “otherwise good”, you told him you never loved him!
So what can I do to convince him to lower his expectations without him considering divorce?
You can't. Your entire post is a “how do I have my cake and eat it too?” question. You get to decide what you need and whether you want sex, but you seem to be unaware that your husband is his own person who also gets to decide what he needs.
Honestly, this post displays an almost sociopathic disregard for another person's feelings and needs. I sincerely don't mean that as an insult, I mean it as a plea for you to get help and let yourself consider that maybe there's more going on here than your desire for a sexless marriage.
Yeah. So not a big deal.
Do you trust your best friend? And your fiancée? Then why are you worried ?
It’s hot but he’s a human being, as are you, im sure you find people attractive all the time and maybe you don’t say ‘I’d smash if I were single’ but that feeling is there all the same. I don’t think he is into her or anything tho if you’re worried, he might just be nice to your friends. I think if your bff was a famous super model, would that impact your relationship? Eventually he’d meet her anyway…
I think he was just being nice and upfront and honest about how he thought she was pretty in passing, but she’s defs not the only pretty fish in the sea and he apologized to you for making you feel ignored. If you on-line together sometimes it can be weird to see your partner talk to someone else extensively but it’s more for human interaction than anything else most likely…esp if you hang out all day long alone…
Your father's behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE, and you're asking your boyfriend to ACCEPT and EXCUSE it.
I understand that energy won't last forever. It's just naked to accept that it's kind of dying.
We're trying to be more financially conscious, and we live! in a reasonably HCOL area. We do at least one monthly date night for dinner at a restaurant in the city, and we go to occasional concerts/shows when there's something we're both interested in. So we are going out to a decent extent.
We've also been going skiing almost weekly this season, which is new for us (she's learning, I'm experienced). So it's not like we're doing nothing new with our time.
And we do meet up with friends, but often it's together, as we have a lot of mutual friends at this point.
I think the big thing is just spending a lot of time together and getting to feel too routine, but I'm not sure I have the spontaneous energy necessary to keep things fresh with work and other things going on.
After 7 years sis it ain't gonna happen.
Easier to find love than paying off a $250k loan at 11%.
Well now that you got him to marry you, the ship kinda sailed on that one, huh?
If you feel bad about keeping this from him, you should have told him before you two got married so he could make a decision for himself. Now I think the only thing you can do is be honest with him when he asks questions. I don’t believe for a second the “I try to avoid answering his questions” line. I’m guessing you’ve probably fudged some facts (in other words, lied). If that’s what you’re doing, stop.
See if you can get paid to be her caregiver. In some places that is an option.
She should set up cameras inside her house overlooking all possible entry points
Yeah, definitely don't do that ? that would be like a $700-800 bill per month, not including insurance. There's absolutely nothing wrong with driving used while he pays off debt.
Maybe he could do something like making that $700-800 payment to himself for a year, and he can't take anything from it. Then he has a nice down payment for the car, and he will be able to see how a large payment like that would affect his finances.
What is the downside?
So I’m being downvoted because OPs mum, in the event that she did cheat and OPs father isn’t his dad, is a POS who doesn’t care enough about OP…. See that cheaters and the people who agree with cheating are out in force today.
What else can you call it when one parent can’t keep their pants on, has a kid with someone else and tries to blame it on the other parent?
When they can’t even be honest with the results of their affair after everything has started to crumble apart?
I have communicated that I need more help maintaining the home, groceries, meals, cleaning, dogs, etc.
Have you explained what specific tasks you're talking about? Those things are the reason you want him to not golf on the weekends, right? So maybe instead of asking him to limit golfing, you could talk to him about prioritizing those tasks you need help with before he goes golfing.
It absolutely is abusive. He also tried to make you out to be the bad guy to the kids, blaming you for when he was taking them home and ruining the trip. He also belittled you in front of your children. Then bailing on family time because he didn’t like being called out for his choice and/or reason. Which honestly sound he homo/transphobic.
You’ve apologized, which I don’t believe was necessary, but still tries to guilt you and manipulate you into thinking you were wrong. When in reality he overreacted.
Seems there is more going on with him to have such a reaction. Or if as you stated his blow ups like this have happened before, despite the cause not being like this one, he’s just emotionally and verbally abusive.
May want to think how his emotional & verbal abuse, belittling you, manipulations and anger will impact your kids and their views of a healthy relationship. Would you want your kids to be treated as he’s treating you or to treat others that way?
I used to hate our Greek cultural tradition of naming after a grandparent. It meant having a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles with the same name lol. Now I see the benefit bc it is easy peasy and no one can ‘claim’ the name.
If she has crossed a boundary, then you have to decide whether to leave her or not. Is it wrong to read private messages? Yes. Bur there's a reason why you read it. It seems like you don't trust your girlfriend. You can't have a relationship without trust
So when it comes to LDR the don’t work most of the time because the way men feel love and appreciation is be respect and in long distance it’s naked to show that unless y’all have been together and (no offense) but it sounds like he doesn’t get much out of this relationship yet. I just suggest if you like this man and see a good future in him try again when you get here.
If you'll be bored and you care about her its the right thing to do.