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Max Gen And Alpan, 23 y.o.
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Its sounds like you've already shared with him how you feel and maybe he's not really respecting it? I think for alot of guys, especially if they have little female friends don't really pick up on how immature and things we can be. Definitely for me, I'm still getting pissed with myself that I don't have a better idea of how my behavior is and it's usually after I've been confronted. I'm alot better at receiving constructive criticism than I used to be but I think becoming mature is a journey that is life long. Learning that you've got to clean up after yourself and your partner isn't going to do this for you because she's equally busy is a good conversation to have. Along with whatever else needs to be communicated. Communication of what both parties expectations are is super helpful as well. And also stepping back and looking at the problem rather than the person. Though that one takes too, so if the dudes not on board that it might take losing you for awhile to understand. Having a break is ok and reevaluating is this best for both of us is a healthy thing to do.
Would you encourage a close friend to stay unhappy because their partner is “great on paper”? If you think she’s out of your league and she doesn’t give you what you need in your marriage, maybe your idea of “league” is what’s holding you back.
That said, I can imagine this happening one day to me and my husband. I love him deeply, but he never struggles to show it, and for me it takes special effort. Sometimes I don’t see our problems until he points them out. I wouldn’t give up on the idea of repairing the relationship. We can never truly see things from someone else’s perspective, especially by just guessing. So you should try a big talk, and maybe counseling after that. But in the meantime, try to adjust the way you look at your value relative to hers. You’re a caretaker and you probably have lots of great qualities.
Then its not a relationship