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If she implied she’d prefer to meet up with other mutual friends as well, I’d go with that. “Sounds great! Let’s ask X and Y if they can make it!”. She may want to spend time with you in a group setting to ease back into being friends, before potentially hanging out one on one again. Make the next time you see each other totally, unambiguously not-a-date.
That he's an abusive, selfish, self centered asshole?
I am over here crying for you. I have to leave this sub for a bit. Good luck, sweetie.
Maybe when you two aren’t having sex you can explain to him what a clitoris is and why women like being touched there?
Seriously. And the fact he could've gotten a vasectomy probably right away and it would've been taken care of is also a red flag.
Listen. Socially we women are conditioned to make excuses for men’s selfish behaviors in a relationship both in and outside the bedroom. That era is over because us women are more interconnected than ever. When they come early or when we don’t orgasm we care more about protecting their fragile ego or masculinity than our own needs. I know you love him but you deserve to take space. Imagine a world where when a woman came they stop the sex. How absurd it sounds! It’s just as absurd the other way around we were just made to believe it’s acceptable. Sex isn’t just about pleasure, it’s about intimacy, being taken care of, feeling safe and loved. Eventually it’s gonna chip at you and little by little you will feel unloved, unworthy and unhappy. Imagine how his behavior will be if and when you have kids. Same line of thought will apply sorry babe I couldn’t wake up to “help”. Because that sort of contribution is seen as extra just as he sees it in sex. A man’s sexual behavior says a lot about their belief systems and how much they care about you. Eventually the kiss and apology will go away too.
Think of a prenup as something to benefit you as well.
for example. if you started a lifestyle that was dependent on his salary how would you be able to navigate if tat is pulled from under you abruptly?
What about if you become a stay at home mom? how will you be compensated for that career sacrifice and loss in event of divorce or separation
Child support?
If he purchases a property only in his name but you put any sweat equity or any renovations into it, how should you handle that in the event you separate.
Prenups.- Not only for men. I think you should consider it. Get a lawyer.
How he handles the negotiation will inform you about him as a partner
Decide if you want to break up with him later
I would want to talk to a professional about this. It reminds me of something I read about, I thought it was mirroring, but that isn't it. I am really curious now.
I assume he has hands, why does he not take care of it himself?
It's been exhausting, but I love him so much I really want to make it work. I feel like we have gone through so much together, and he has improved a lot… as so have I. But in this situation, man, it's just making me too uncomfortable.
You should definitely stay with him, he sounds like a great guy and such a healthy relationship.
/s
Dude seriously? Where do y’all find these people to date??
sounds like you need new friends
Stress is a common reason for missed or late periods. It’s been about six weeks since you guys had sex, a pregnancy test will help clear up any anxieties. Let us know what the results are when she shares it with you!
Did you read the comment where OP claimed the SIL came to her door with a gun trying to shoot her?
I seriously question OPs sanity. If your SIL comes to your door with a gun, trying to shoot you, would you seriously take the chance of attending an event or family function with your actual children where you could potentially run into your SIL again? That is not the behaviour of somebody who seriously wants to protect their children.
Exactly. In this thread are men applying rational thoughts to what could be an irrational person. Just because I wouldn’t hurt a woman who turned me down, doesn’t mean another man wouldn’t. Being in public doesn’t make you safe. I don’t know why we have to explain this shit.
Tell him the facts are he’s a muppet. He’s clearly trying to put doubt in you about your own looks. Bin him off and find someone who’s not an idiot
Is he a serial killer marking shallow graves on his navi app?
The one he takes you to being his favorite?
go away. and explain to his mom he planed to cheat on you and to use her health as pretext.
Im 40. I use Cialis. Its a pain. ED sucks. I get very hot. Just I go soft. Cialis is amazing. Can go and go and go and go again.
For a few years I just wasn't into sex. Time after time. Get very hot and nude, fail. It literally made me cry.
I mean if he's popping them like candy that's fucked.
I find the only thing that sucks with Cialis is the cost and that sex has to be somewhat planned. Its like there's sex days and there's days when there's no sex.
Sometimes love is not enough. This is a deal breaker. You 2 are completely incompatible. Why prolong the inevitable.
He is dead weight let him go. Take the opportunity that is available to you.
Offer to take to the grand child and let him finish college
I'd figure it out first… ut it would be creepy if she did that…
But, you don't care about boundaries…you, obviously, will screw anything with a pulse.
Not, saying I haven't had moments of foolishness but yea..
The rapist Brock Turner who now goes by the name the rapist Allen Turner.
Yes, him.
Trust issues is only the start of it my friend but thank you for your comment I really do appreciate it.
Reading this scenario really helps make up my mind, thank you.
Where you ever in therapy because of your abusive relationships? Maybe you should go outside for a walk and clear your heard lmao.
Something is seriously wrong with you if you think just because someone said the harsh truth that you don’t want to hear is abusive.
OP, what were some of the last lies she told to spare your feelings??
That’s important info
” the pain when someone you are deeply connected to stops talking stings like a mother fucker.”
No empathy for your husband, though, right?
The good news is that is was just 3 months of just sex for him and he was just saying the things you wanted to hear so that the sex would last longer than 3 months, but I suspect you got too clingy?
The bad news, is your husband is married to someone gross, that would choose to cheat instead of work out your problems and then get a divorce if you're unable.
You decided to scratch that 7 year itch and now you're just an ordinary cheater that thought she was special. I hope your husband finds out soon.
It just feels dirty because he is “using” someone else in his mind. Like I didn’t even know one could imagine having sex in their brain. Idk I always need a visual like porn Just thinking doesn’t do it for me and I hate how it did for my boyfriend because he must’ve really liked her to think about her like that
People are usually on their best behavior for the first 2 years of a relationship. After that the real person starts to come forward. What you're seeing now. Is what your future looks like.
He did cheat…. Doesn’t matter how far he went…. He went to her room!!!! First find out if he has her contact information…. Then take a you only weekend to process alone…. There is no rush as you need to look into this more.
I routinely go to that region as a Black woman and lemme tell you, it’s not fun. I have to be constantly on guard. People talk about sunset towns in the south, but they exist in the mountain region too.
This is what I thought. The young girl always thinks she’s mature for her age, that she’s special and that’s why she was chosen, but really, the groomer makes all the girls believe that (I can imagine six of his other girls listening to the podcast going ‘aww. He still can’t get over me’).
It’s same modus operandi for every middle aged guy preying on an early 20s girl. Trust me, I know from experience.
What did she say when you told her it's annoying you and making you jealous?
Jealousy is something you fix on therapy. I'm a woman in a relationship, and the idea of finding it suspicious my bf having single female friends is actually really weird and controlling. If she doesn't trust you (which is the only possible readon for her to be uncomfortable in this situation) why are you two still together?
Why do you care so much about him, are you looking to create drama?
Also, what if the roles were reversed? A new girl joins the office and a group of guys try to talk to her al the time but she seems not interested. Then the group of guys talk behind her back about her, and one guy considers going to HR to complain about the girl for 'creating a hostile work environment' because she doesn't talk enough to guys.
My best friend who is male started seeing this chick, I had no idea he was. I was at a wedding and he wasn't invited but I guess this girl was. Apparently (I was drunk and didn't remember) she came up to me Introducing herself (as if I was to know who she was and that she was talking to him) and I guess I just said hi, and walled away. She was all up in arms I wasn't happy to meet her. He reached out to me about it, and I told him I have no clue who she is, don't remember it, but I didn't know I needed to lay down the red carpet for some chick I didn't even know he was seeing. I backed off from that friendship when she had an issue of a framed photo he had of us in his home and I was there to pick up the pieces when it ended
I mean a handjob is cheating to me.
Updateme!
You're talking as if $4M is a formality. That's 8X from where the portfolio is now (it would take on average 28 years for the S&P 500 to do an 8X). This type of mentality is much more likely to turn this $600K account into $200K and back to where they started, especially now that the crazy 2020/21 boom is a distant memory. Even the title says it all (I made $1.4M) when he has less than half of that in the account and when he's down multiples of the average market decline since the crash.
But whatever about that, the son basically came to his parents and said “give me your life savings and I'm going to gamble it all in the market. If I make some money then I want half. If I lose it then, sorry about that, LOLS.” Do you think that at the outset, before any money was invested, that it would have been fair for him to ask for 50% of the earnings but not be financially responsible for any of the potential losses? Freedom from loss is a huge benefit you get for gambling with someone else's money. The parents basically gave him an opportunity to make way more profit for himself (assuming the settled on a 10% fee on their profits) then he could have ever made with his measly $7K. And now that it all (thankfully) worked out, he wants half. Neither you or the OP have any clue about the psychology and reality of risk in the markets and the gigantic difference between those who actually take the risk (investors) vs those investment advisors who simply move their money around for a fee.
The parents likely offered him $100K out of the current profits which is maybe 25% or something. Which is ridiculously generous. If it was only $100K out of a supposed dream of $4M then that is greedy on their part, yes. OP should get at least $400K out of that (10% of thereabouts of the profits). But we don't really know because we only have OPs side and he sounds like he's full of shit.
This is what OP SHOULD have been thinking at the outset…. “I have only $7K of my own money to invest but my parents are brave enough and willing to take the considerable risk of giving me all their life savings ($200K). I on the other hand have zero risk with losing their money because I won't have to pay back any of the losses. If I double that $200K to $400K then 10% of the profits is $20K, and 15% $30K. At a 15% fee, that is MORE THAN 4 TIMES what my own portfolio would have made in that time ie $7K.
If you can't get the logic and fairness of any of that through your head then you need to study some investing books and have a proper think about the definition of risk/reward ratios. Because OP risked absolutely nothing while parents risked their entire life savings and retirement income. Given that any reward in investing is proportional too the risk undertaken, OP asking for 50% is such an utter joke that I don't know where to start. His woeful understanding of risk/reward (the very basics of investing) makes me think his whole story about studying investing for 2 years is a lie and he just rolled the entire thing into Tesla and hoped for the best.
I'm sorry but that hypocrisy is not something I'd be able to get over either. Either you don't support his music for x reason, or you do for y reason. Flip flopping is extremely unattractive and I really think it's a sign you can't trust a person. Like, where the hell is your integrity?? Ya know? Stick with your guns or don't draw them in the first place.
Ok, so after reading your comments, you both watch porn, sometimes together, sex 2 times a week, you only jerk it a couple times a month. I'm even more confused than I was a minute ago. I'm going to need an update when you find out what's going on.
Take a step back and see if you can continue the relationship. If not, break up.
You need to leave. I’m close to your age. You don’t need a child to take care of and that’s exactly what you have. Remember being happy and independent? Go back to that.
Are you a young looking 26? If so, I think you know what to think.
I feel like this is where actions speak louder than words. You need to stop drawing attention to the fact you make more money. Plus 70k isn't very much, his business hopefully starts doing well and dwarves that. Stop calling yourself a sugar mama for a start, it may have been funny once. It has probably caused resentment that you haven't been aware of.
You should ask it like that. Your question just sounds like you want to make fun of OP.
Still weird to me, as a 24 year old, I'd never date a 30 year old. I wouldn't date someone whose had way more experiences than me and who is in a different point in their life than me. I would think it's odd for a 30 year old to be interested in me
Your friend is not your friend.
I would cut him off he’s an arsehole of the first order. Telling you to keep your legs closed? That is some ugly shit right there.
Well this kind of problem can really mess up what seems like a good relationship.
I had the same problem with my wife, but then ‘luckily’ for me she had an affair and divorced me. This allowed me to raise my daughters (when I had them) as I saw fit, without interference from an overly permissive mother that was just trying to reduce her own anxiety in the face of a crying child.
When my daughters were very young I would further explain after the NO and some whining that I knew they were crying to manipulate me and get what they want and I wanted them to know that I had a stronger will than them. I will never change my mind so they should make the decision to just stop and move on.
I’m not saying I eliminated all whining as the behavior was certainly reinforced when they were home. But when they would whine I would look up and put a little crooked grin on my face and they would just know and then turn and stomp off to their room.
I now have a 21 yo and 19 yo F that are extremely well adjusted. Do not whine to their father. Ask and negotiate for what they want or need. And are extremely self sufficient and strong young ladies.
Fair enough, you make a good point. I just think it's very important to look at things from both sides.
Wake up early and walk behind them with a triangle chanting: shame shame shame.
It is the only way.
He told me he wanted a serious relationship/girlfriend before we even started anything. He was kind of annoyed I was too playful and not taking him seriously.
But yes I know guys will say anything these days ?
I told him that. Just need to convince him to get his shit out and remove himself from the lease without having to involve the authorities.
Honestly it's in the past, at the beginning of the relationship and she didn't bang him. She just talked with him when she was unsure of you.
Like idk… I guess you can throw away the entire relationship way over that. Seems silly if it's a good relationship though.
Doesn’t seem like you’re nice to yourself tho
Just call her and tell her what you told us, that's the grownup way to handle it. The coward way is you make up an excuse to not go to the play. You choose.
You get one ride around on this merry go round and you’re seriously asking yourself if this is who you want to spend your precious time left with?
i seriously didnot impose any sexuality apon him. if i knew for sure id get closure. hes super macho, he likes gun, alcohol, beards and motorcycles. his type is women with tattoos. i dont know what to believe
It does not include that for my area.
It shouldn't be if you're both consenting, responsible adults. Just note that it is one of the few topics that even someone like me would not try to add humor to…
Alternately, I would also check into the issue maybe being from an alergy to latex or the type of spermicide or another factor related if this is happening because of condom usage? Did you switch brands before the issue started, etc. This would be something to experiment with and include in questions for the obgyn.
It's been pinned in the top comment of those posts.
Sure but having tiny rituals especially if your partner started the ritual be just with you is some narcissistic behaviour. If it’s part of his personality why would he just play this dumb game with friends ? Getting this upset over it is absurd
Definitely too much. If you are going to leave something on his wall and you don't know him well make it 10 words or less. Example: I'm in town tomorrow, text me!
But, him not responding to you privately is a bad sign so do it knowing it's likely not to change anything.
Appearance isn't everything to the boy. That is a plus.
I agree with you 100%
When you find a BETTER boyfriend, you'll be kicking yourself for months that you wasted this much time with this dillweed!
The only thing you should be ripping out by the roots is this relationship! You can find a guy who's interested in life, in events, in experiences. It ain't this guy!
Very normal. At least says I.
Dude it sounds like your girlfriend went on a date
You are entitled to you feelings and they are valid. Broken trust is a huge deal and it can be hot to move on. Sometimes impossible. OP only you know if you can move on. Have you tried therapy? Talking it out with someone? It’s not fair to be berated by her for your valid feelings of mistrust.
heh.
I'm a millenial and I feel similarly about my parents…
they're selfish. they really are.
Cheers for that
I'm still laughing , love surprises
I know a woman as you've described and she had an affair with one of my friends, and I thought at first, yeah, they're a cute couple and hoped they would be happy. I knew her childhood history so I thought she's been through a lot and deserves sympathy, but later I learned that she tried to kill my friend during sex and psychologically abused him.
She nearly killed him during sex…
I was completely shocked when I discovered this because I care about my friend so much and I cried. I had no idea he was going through something like this. This completely changed my perception of her and I looked into her history.
I found out that she has a really cute boyfriend right now, who looks like a Marvel superhero but she spends a lot of time trying to seduce older men with trust funds from billionaire parents due to her drug addictions. She needs the older guys to pay for her addictions and other stuff. She's a former beauty queen, but she knows her time is coming to and end due to her unhealthy lifestyle and she's trying to snag a billionaire before it's too late for her.
What she does is plays victim to these older wealthy men. She tells them that every single man she's been sleeping with sexually assaulted her. She even told (Roland like person) that her current cute boyfriend– who's super sweet and accommodating was abusive to her and sexually assaulted her in her sleep! These older men buy it up because now they think they're saving her from abusive boyfriends. In the meantime, she tried to kill my friend during sex and almost succeeded.
The lies that come out of this woman's mouth knows no bounds. Everything she says is basically a lie whilst she plays victim.
It's a small world, but if you know a woman like this, don't buy into her lies. She is a true sociopath. She only shows fake remorse when she's been caught whilst she continues this fake victimhood status she has to multiple men, trying to get them to feel sorry for her. Mainly, she's only after their money whilst she keeps her main boyfriend on the side. She's like the female version of Ted Bundy….
She should talk to Amy about it first. Talking to Mary could just open up Amy to a lot of questions
This is the oddest question anyone could ever ask. You could convince me this is a joke because who thinks that very hot about a mirror selfie what??
you deny your own thoughts
If you are thinking of being together again in the future, why did you break up now?
If she gets tired of sleeping with fwb and other guys and she wants you by her side, you're going to be ready?
Go find yourself a girl, don't try to make senseless sentences
So it's not because you think she is up to something?
You need to try to do the same thing yourself. Ask some of the other guys to go get a drink, shoot some pool, catch a movie or something. You've allowed yourself to fall into a position where the only person you have is your wife, so any time you are bored or lonely – you turn to her because you have nobody else. That type of thing can be very suffocating for someone in her position and very unhealthy for you as well. We should be able to depend on our partners, but having things outside the relationship provides a healthy balance and boundary and will help to avoid this type of codependency.
he shoves me to the ground during arguments he treats me like a princess
These two statements are incongruent. If he's physically violent to you, then he doesn't treat you like a proncess. The only way this gets better is to leave him. He's abusing you then lovebombing you. He's dangerous. Get out.
But she agreed. He probably wouldn't have moved in if he had to sleep with dogs every night. It was his condition. She agreed, she basically bullshitted him to get him to move in, now she wants to break their agreement.
You’re 35. This is YOUR choice. Until you are actually pregnant it’s impossible to make a promise that won’t change your mind about terminating a pregnancy. It’s not real until it is.
Just know you will be doing this on your own. Are you capable of that?
He doesn't respect you, and he's not sorry. He won't respect your boundaries or your need for space. The goodnight-texts and money make me wonder if he's trying to love-bomb you- shower you with affection/force affection to make you feel conflicted, and more pliable for manipulation/further abuse.
OP, don't message him. Don't give in. You told him you need a week, he's still harassing you, and he's using guilt and money to try worm his way back in so he can get to you before you make a decision on what you want to do moving forward.
It's absolutely fair to want to break up. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe and loved. People don't just suddenly become homophobic when tired.
Your ex is a wildly, WILDLY inappropriate dickhead of a man to even say such a thing to you. Chances are very high, also, that he has cheated on his wife before as most people that have had happy and successful marriages of 20+ years wouldn’t dream of saying such a thing as that, to you on a chance meeting.
99% chance that entertaining him and throwing the life you have built for yourself over many years of devotion would be a massive, life ruining mistake OP. Is that 1% chance at a storybook romantic ending really worth all of the destruction that will be left in your wake?
I agree with this. It sounds like a mental break for whatever reason.
no, dump him. he doesn't care about you and that won't magically change. Most likely he will meet someone else and dump you or continue in this situation where he literally doesn't care about you while you keep hanging around.
Get a new boyfriend
Wow, caught one in the wild!
No.. I haven’t been married or anything like that. This is my first living in relationship but I think my low self esteem gets me in situations like this.
He didn’t say anything.
It doesn’t matter. You are reporting the facts of what your experiencing. Don’t embellish. Just report exactly what you’ve said here. You’re not making any assumptions. If you feel uncomfortable that is the ONLY thing that matters. Also there’s an ENORMOUS power imbalance at play between both his age and that he a your supervisor. Go to HR and simply say he’s done a,b,c,d and you have no idea what the intention is but that it’s make you feel uncomfortable. Doesn’t matter if he’s innocent or not. You’re not comfortable and that’s what matters here.