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He’s done this twice that you know of
Wait… so this 30 year old dude decided to abandon constant access to his children for a 22 year old woman he met on-line who lived 6 hours away? And then moved right in with you because of his financial issues? And in the last 4 years hasn't gotten himself together yet?
This man does not have good decision making skills.
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He's always told me that I overreact over everything and maybe this is one of it too.
Nope, this is not an overreaction on your part, and he is 100% gaslighting you. And gaslighting is part of the abuser's toolkit, and is usually a precursor for the even worse things to come (like uh, burning down your family's home or killing you).
He didn't leave it lying around… it was in the back pages of note pad thst was shoved in a drawer. OP just happened to find it.
No phone is going to give you notifications for an app that is no longer on the phone, if he's getting notifications its still installed and he probably has it hidden in a folder.
I do hope you're not withholding any information, because I feel like something is missing.
She has – and you too – have every right and reason to break off a relationship. If this was her reason, let her be.