You broke up for a reason. This should be another reason to stay broken up but you seem to have convinced yourself that the past was better than it was and therefore worth repeating.
You’re young, and you don’t want to hear to just leave him but that’s the advice a majority of people are going to give you.
There isn’t really any advice to give. You are choosing to be in a relationship with someone that’s having a child with someone else and in an effort to maintain a successful coparenting relationship it’s best if they are friends. Otherwise, in the future his (and yours if your still around) life with be really difficult.
Based on your comments, you’re not sure if she knows you’re back together. That’s the first thing you should make sure that he clarifies with her hopefully that will give you some piece of mind. But you’ll still have to get over the jealousy and try to make friends with her. You are still in the early stages, but you’ve got a long road ahead of you. When the baby is born, the baby will be at the mothers and he will spend a lot of time over there. You may or may not be welcome immediately. You need to think about all of these things and determine if they are things you can handle. She’s not just going to hand you guys a newborn to coparent immediately.
I can see I'm in the minority here. Boobs are no big deal.
Heck, I got drunk and flashed my sister and her best friend my VCH piercing because we were talking about it.
I told my boyfriend and his reply ? ” that's my girl”… You know why? Because he trusts me.
Again, everyone is different in their relationships.
She made a mistake to you, you need to communicate that with her, and if it happens again, she clearly doesn't take your feelings into account, and you should break it off.
This one off event, in my mind, is not enough for me to break it off. But again, this is about your feelings, not mine.
You love her, but she's pretty much made it clear that she doesn't love you. Not by sleeping with someone else, but by refusing to accept your rejection of her proposal. Cheating is one thing, but the lack of respect here… You need to file for a divorce, fill out the paperwork and have it ready to be signed the moment she gets home. There's no two ways about it, your relationship is over.
I believe it can be fixed (from experience). Few things to consider : is she otherwise affectionate? Hugs, kisses, touching or avoiding it altogether? Read a book called “come as you are” straight talk about mismatched libidos. Hopefully she can engage enough to read it as well and maybe learn something about herself. Make it clear (attempt #13) this is not working and you are making a last effort to change things because you don’t see a future like this (without a threat but a plea of sorts) Emphasize this by showing her r/DeadBedrooms to help her understand where you are coming from. Explore sexualities. She could be asexual, demisexual or missing a key component in what triggers her libido. Above all, she has to be willing but needs to know status quo is not an option. Also spend time with each other without intending to lead to sex. She might need that intimacy and security back without the pressure. Good luck! ?
Herpes is extremely common: statistics suggest that 1 out of 10 people have the type of herpes that is sexually transmitted. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Let your boyfriend know what happened, and if he doesn't know about herpes then advise him to read about it. Symptoms can appear at anytime, and some people who are have herpes will never exhibit symptoms. Note that if you have been sexually active with your boyfriend, then he is very likely already a carrier and will test positive.
You pay the rent. You have every right to work where you want. Heck you can work hanging upside down from your light fitting in the bathroom hot if it so pleases you to do so.
As for the other issues. Your BiL and MiL have to go asap. You haven't got a marriage with them living there, especially the BiL living there rent free. He's using amenities and food that you're paying for, money you should be putting away for your future. If your husband doesn't see this you've got to assume he doesn't see one. Why would anyone want their brother permanently living with them and their wife? It's incomprehensible.
The way your husband acted was out of order and you probably don't need me to tell you you were BOTH out of line for being abusive.
You both need to sit down and agree to get these parasites out of your home. Or you need to leave and find a guy who will treat you with respect and who wants to spend his time with you and you alone.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ you move your money, secure the retirement plans etc., collect every financial document, first.
You hire a lawyer next, after a discussion, create a draft of separation, dividing assets and custody stuff (spread sheet).
You hand it to her, tell her she sucks.
Then tell your kids and then your parents.
Importantly, some people try to be nice and cooperative in the beginning of divorces while their spouse is taking advantage. Start with a hardline, and boundaries, you can give away more later, if you still want to.
You end the friendship & cut her out of your life. Its really really quite simple.
Yeah, not likely someone is just suddenly going to quit at 36 is it if they haven’t already is it?
Yours is the way. If she wants to build equity in a house just explain to her she needs to have the equity to build upon and she simply doesn’t.
I'm not going to answer that because it doesn't matter in light of my previous comment.
You broke up for a reason. This should be another reason to stay broken up but you seem to have convinced yourself that the past was better than it was and therefore worth repeating.
You’re young, and you don’t want to hear to just leave him but that’s the advice a majority of people are going to give you.
There isn’t really any advice to give. You are choosing to be in a relationship with someone that’s having a child with someone else and in an effort to maintain a successful coparenting relationship it’s best if they are friends. Otherwise, in the future his (and yours if your still around) life with be really difficult.
Based on your comments, you’re not sure if she knows you’re back together. That’s the first thing you should make sure that he clarifies with her hopefully that will give you some piece of mind. But you’ll still have to get over the jealousy and try to make friends with her. You are still in the early stages, but you’ve got a long road ahead of you. When the baby is born, the baby will be at the mothers and he will spend a lot of time over there. You may or may not be welcome immediately. You need to think about all of these things and determine if they are things you can handle. She’s not just going to hand you guys a newborn to coparent immediately.
Everyone has their rules etc.
I can see I'm in the minority here. Boobs are no big deal.
Heck, I got drunk and flashed my sister and her best friend my VCH piercing because we were talking about it.
I told my boyfriend and his reply ? ” that's my girl”… You know why? Because he trusts me.
Again, everyone is different in their relationships.
She made a mistake to you, you need to communicate that with her, and if it happens again, she clearly doesn't take your feelings into account, and you should break it off.
This one off event, in my mind, is not enough for me to break it off. But again, this is about your feelings, not mine.
Everyone should go to therapy, but this is ridiculous.
She fucked around, it's time she found out.
You love her, but she's pretty much made it clear that she doesn't love you. Not by sleeping with someone else, but by refusing to accept your rejection of her proposal. Cheating is one thing, but the lack of respect here… You need to file for a divorce, fill out the paperwork and have it ready to be signed the moment she gets home. There's no two ways about it, your relationship is over.
Don't assign malice to what can be adequately explained by incompetence, or in this case just confusion and grief.
I believe it can be fixed (from experience). Few things to consider : is she otherwise affectionate? Hugs, kisses, touching or avoiding it altogether? Read a book called “come as you are” straight talk about mismatched libidos. Hopefully she can engage enough to read it as well and maybe learn something about herself. Make it clear (attempt #13) this is not working and you are making a last effort to change things because you don’t see a future like this (without a threat but a plea of sorts) Emphasize this by showing her r/DeadBedrooms to help her understand where you are coming from. Explore sexualities. She could be asexual, demisexual or missing a key component in what triggers her libido. Above all, she has to be willing but needs to know status quo is not an option. Also spend time with each other without intending to lead to sex. She might need that intimacy and security back without the pressure. Good luck! ?
Herpes is extremely common: statistics suggest that 1 out of 10 people have the type of herpes that is sexually transmitted. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Let your boyfriend know what happened, and if he doesn't know about herpes then advise him to read about it. Symptoms can appear at anytime, and some people who are have herpes will never exhibit symptoms. Note that if you have been sexually active with your boyfriend, then he is very likely already a carrier and will test positive.
You pay the rent. You have every right to work where you want. Heck you can work hanging upside down from your light fitting in the bathroom hot if it so pleases you to do so.
As for the other issues. Your BiL and MiL have to go asap. You haven't got a marriage with them living there, especially the BiL living there rent free. He's using amenities and food that you're paying for, money you should be putting away for your future. If your husband doesn't see this you've got to assume he doesn't see one. Why would anyone want their brother permanently living with them and their wife? It's incomprehensible.
The way your husband acted was out of order and you probably don't need me to tell you you were BOTH out of line for being abusive.
You both need to sit down and agree to get these parasites out of your home. Or you need to leave and find a guy who will treat you with respect and who wants to spend his time with you and you alone.
You asked some guys girlfriend to fuck you and you don't understand why her boyfriend would not like you anymore?
What planet are you from.
Completely inappropriate.
If I was that guy I would cut contact with you completely and if my girlfriend wanted to stay my girlfriend she would to.
If she shows back up, call the cops, get a restraining order and whatever else you need to do.
If it was me I wouldn't even bother finding out the truth. She's already being dishonest. That's enough to end it by itself
⬆️⬆️⬆️ you move your money, secure the retirement plans etc., collect every financial document, first.
You hire a lawyer next, after a discussion, create a draft of separation, dividing assets and custody stuff (spread sheet).
You hand it to her, tell her she sucks.
Then tell your kids and then your parents.
Importantly, some people try to be nice and cooperative in the beginning of divorces while their spouse is taking advantage. Start with a hardline, and boundaries, you can give away more later, if you still want to.
I would even go so far as to say she just wants to be MARRIED