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I simply told my husband (bf at the time) that if he didn't stop with those comments and behavior, I didn't see the relationship continuing any further. I don't deal with control in any sort of way. It's a red flag. He worked on it, and we've been together 14 years.
Not without a prenup!
She's jealous of a pillow. An unthinking, unfeeling, inanimate object that is altogether featureless.
A pillow.
Then why do so much drama with me? When I tried to cut him off he wouldn't accept it and became upset and sad. He wouldn't stop talking to me and would constantly say hello and look distraught with our fall out. Even after meeting her, he would keep staring at me , and then when I took him back, he became happy and normal. Otherwise he couldn't sit and study and would keep looking back at me while leaving.
Why do so much drama if he always liked her?
Tbh, that just means he is good at acting/lying. People who are actually loving and caring don't suddenly turn violent in an argument.
“I need you to pay me back that $1K I loaned you ASAP. Thanks.”
So if they get married and the money he makes pays for, let’s say 70% of the bills, and they get divorced and split the assets 50-50, how is that not her taking his money?
I have been ENM/poly for a long time. And this is very accurate. If you choose to engage in an emotional manner with more than one partner you need to make sure both are getting their needs met how they see fit. I have seen this exact situation before. A woman I was dating who was married was in the situation. Hey husband was not intimate with her at all, and was spending most of his time with his other partner (who was married as well). Later she informed me that her husband stopped sleeping with her because the other partner would get jealous. At that point I had to tell her that he is no longer your husband, he's hers. And that she couldn't just try to heal by seeing me or other people because none of us would make up for what was going on. Same for you OP. What happened isn't right and you need to address it with your husband ASAP and if he doesn't accept it you need to move on.