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How do you rebuild trust? How do you get past this?
Building trust almost never happens. It needs an incredible amount of nude work, dedication and understanding over a very long time from the cheater. The problem is if the cheater was capable of doing this they never would have cheated in the first place. As for getting past this as long as you are in this relationship you never truly will. Best case scenario you forgive them but you will never forget and the pain will always be there just under the surface ready to come back an hurt you deeply when you least expect it.
The chances of successfully repairing a relationship devastated by cheating are so slim and the amount of effort it takes is so great that it is rarely worth the attempt. This is not a long term relationship with hot to sever ties (children, business, property, large debt ) it is not worth going through the extra pain and suffering. Do yourself a favor and move on as quickly as you can and start your healing process.
A great place to start would be to ask questions. What did they mean, why did they do that etc. When it comes to relationships we all bring our expectations, but it's about accommodating BOTH of the partners. Maybe they love fancy dinners, and thought you'd enjoy doing something that they liked. You can ask about the motivations for why they chose different things. “Hey, I'd love to hear more about your thinking behind the proposal. I'm so excited to get married to you but I'm having some feelings can you reassure me a little (that I was heard/ that I'll be considered in the future/ that my needs are being met and remembered etc etc etc)
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And it's okay to have these feelings. It doesn't mean you're ungrateful or anything is wrong. A lot of marriage is finding out how to talk about ongoing issues while managing different baggage and communication styles. Also, not for nothing, people don't talk about it as much, but once a relationship moves to proposals and marriage, you're beginning to enact rituals, but we don't talk about it like that, and rituals can be intense. Big moves bring out a lot of complicated feelings even if they ARE perfect and everything we expected. (The day I got married felt so intense because you're participating in an ancient ritual, your making a vow UNTIL DEATH, talk about confronting your mortality)
All of that doesn’t change the fact that it sounds like YOU arent direct with her, though that’s what you say you prefer. Like, did you tell her you were upset she lied about turning down Ms advances, have you told her you don’t like how she talks shit about people behind their back, have you said you don’t like it when she one ups?
So?
Yeah right to be concerned here bro. But also ask why she’s so ashamed of being seen with u in public and why he feels the need to give her number to other guys. She’s not completely satisfied in the relationship
I'm currently experiencing something like this as the girlfriend. Just because you on-line together and eat every meal together, doesn't mean you shouldn't still be taking her out on dates. You go to the pub with your friends, great. Do you ever do that with her? Or to dinner? Or lunch, or a hike or whatever else she likes to do? Some people seem to think “right, we live! forget now so there's no need to treat them the same way I did a before we lived together.”
This goes both ways of course, just because you're the man doesn't mean she shouldn't also be taking you on dates.