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Honestly – that's a big age gap and is likely to become an issue at some point, especially as you are much closer to his eldest kids' age than his.
whether it's arranged, random, or even the people get to pick who they date, the reality is that some people have red flags or even lots of yellow flags, and our friends who are dating them might see it but they think they can change the person.
your friend is basically banking on the idea of being able to change Raj. She likes him for his finances, education, looks, and social status. She doesn't like him that much for his personality, but she thinks she can change it or put up with it.
but it's clear that Raj is the more dominant personality, along with his way of thinking he's marrying down, and she's marrying up, then she isn't going to get her way.
they may come to love each other in the future and have a tolerating kind of marriage, or things might get worse. they might even get better. we have no way of knowing but if we judge based on his “best behavior effort” in the 1 week that he met her and her family, in which she's already crying about things being unfair to her, then things will get worse from there.
Sounds like a good opportunity to reconsider your living arrangement.
TL;DR – title was enough – RED FLAGS. DUMP HER.
Fuck… i am so sorry. Dont let this ruin your day! Instead make him pay a lot today. For food, gifts, etc. Make it really expensive… and then dumb him tomorrow.
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It likely won’t, if he’s been the “father” all this kid’s life. Depending on where he lives, the court may determine that he is still legally the father, and is thus liable for child support. Happens all the time. Finding the actual father, and getting him to take responsibility might be a way to get out of it, but even then not 100%.
If OP asks Mitch beforehand, I doubt this would be a problem
That’s fair, your original post gave a very different impression of the activity thing. I still think the heart of her reaction is a combination of wanting input, trying to act on your money concerns, and FOMO.
So if she wants to extend the trip beyond what you’re currently planning for, and your costs already account for some of her preferred activities, you guys need to sit down and go through your options. Would she be willing to put in some money to get a longer trip and repeat activities? If not, then working with your current time and budget, what activities or changes to the current plans would you both agree to prioritize? Can you go with a cheaper hotel, is there parking for ATVs at all of the locations you want to go to including hotel, etc.
Also take into consideration if this is a trip you may want to do again in future or if it’s a “once in a lifetime” trip – if the latter, then you guys might be better off doing a cheaper birthday trip and (both) saving up more for the blow-out version of this trip so you don’t have any regrets. If it’s the former, then sometimes it’s good to leave things to do for next time! I would also suggest never underestimate the value of rest days that are just hanging out by the pool/on the beach/in a cute town, as opposed to scheduled spa relaxation days.
My partner and I have done “repeat trips” to two different locations: the first location we hit all the big activities the first time, and they aren’t really the sorts of things that change frequently so on the revisit they weren’t quite as enjoyable as the first time and we had to scramble for things to do when we didn’t feel like another rehash. The second location we did some of the big things on our first trip there but not all of them, so on the revisit we had plenty of new-to-us things to do as well as our previous favourites to do again.
True, I’m just scared that shooting my shot this early would risk our friendship especially at this stage where we both only have each other in this foreign city. I’ll see and go with the flow I guess
If you post here regularly, you are bound to get it wrong eventually, you're only human. The posters who come here with clear biases and agendas to promote are the main problem with this sub, not people like you who have the strength to apologize and grow.
I think that was gratuitous of her to admit her crush on the way out the door, and kind of suspicious. Now that he’s no longer a colleague, the whole “don’t date at work” prohibition no longer applies. Further contact should not happen, given that the crushes are mutual. She should have kept her mouth shut and left him in her past.
I wouldn’t say that admitting it to him constitutes cheating, but it leaves the door open to it.
What exactly are you uncomfortable about? Like, do you not trust her? Or do you not trust her guy friends?
Ask him downright simple: “Would you love our kids if they were gay or something of that affect? would you throw away all those years of love, care and happiness because they have a different kind of sexuality and love?”
If he says that he can't, then get the divorce papers ready. Because then it's time to get the F out.
It sounds like your husband doesn't even like you.
Oh puh-lease, remember that Reddit always says “divorce”. Calm yourself. Give the benefit of the doubt. Be aware. You need more evidence…
My Mom had Alzheimer’s and I agree, lie by omission. Whatever it takes to let her online out her life in PEACE.
There is zero reason to buy a 1.5 million dollar house as your first home. Especially at current interest rates. Even with a 300k or 450k mortgage, that is still 1.05 to 1.2 million borrowed from the bank.
The fact that you each saved 150k is impressive. Many people have partners who are unable to save that much over a lifetime and they still make it work.
Your problem seems to he that your partner misled you about the money, which is valid. And it should also go without saying not to buy a house with anyone that you aren't married to.
Hiw does his brother simply have $150k laying around not invested? Does his brother not have his own financial goals? What kind of repayment schedule would there be? Interest rate? Or would the brother have equity in the house instead?
At a minimum, you need to be part of the conversation with his brother. If you aren't close with his brother then don't borrow money from him.
A 1.5 million dollar house could easily drop 33% in value, leaving you underwater.
Why not buy a $1 million house with a $300k down payment? You are already stressed about the costs of a 1.5 million dollar house. Mortgage interest, property taxes, utilities, home insurance maintenance, etc. are all unrecoverable costs that increase significantly (exponentially) with the size of a house. If you want to have kids in the next 5 years then buy a 3br townhouse instead. (Just make sure you are buying something that you could live in for 10+ years in the event house prices drop).