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Mike & Alex, y.o.
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Honestly I think she can be an asshole with no regard for her partner without also being a cheater. That's the thing. You think her defensiveness because she's cheating and I think she's essentially a borderline narcissistic woman who made some fun young friends and wants to live! the life she missed out on when she was being a killjoy in her 20s.
I especially think this is true because her defensiveness and “do/demand whatever I feel like” seems to have always been part of her personality. The environment is the only thing that's changed.
One night stands fit that exact description too. Are those not cheating?
A very gentle YTA – but only to yourself for sticking around so long with someone who clearly isn’t giving you what you need and deserve.
Stop wasting your life on this guy. You’re right in that he’s never going to commit to you. Dump him and go find the life you want and deserve.