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Give yourself much grace, OP! You've done NOTHING wrong and deserve support while you come to grips with all this disturbing information and even begin to process what it means for your future.
Your husband is entitled to know all the facts of the matter when you are asking him to finance your sister’s debt relief. Honestly, if I were in his position I wouldn’t want to give her the money either.
You've been in therapy for a very short period of time. This is gonna take time. Therapy isn't an instant fix. You need to give it more than a few weeks to a month.
There is more at play here than his mental health – I can’t really say much about it from second hand accounts.
Seems to me that you have a fundamental breakdown in your relationship, and you either need some guided therapy to get to a healthy place or you need to just leave.
It’s not fair for you to just put it on him to do it your way, and it’s not fair for him to treat you like the enemy. But if you continue doing the stuff you’re doing, which clearly doesn’t work, you’re just going to go deeper into the marital death spiral you are already in.
TL;DR – marital counseling, either together or 1:1 (you, not him).
This isn’t squirting here, he literally had to pee and emptied it out on his partner and her bed. Her mattress was full of pee.
I understand that we can see bias on these boards, but this is a human that peed on another. It’s not a little, it’s a full bladder. Cmon, do better.
Check op’s post history. She cheated on him (the “hiccup” she mentioned).
When she goes to bed, you should wait 10-15 minutes, then suddenly go into the bedroom she is in without warning (just a kinda half- measure “burst in” speed that would catch her off guard) to ask some rando thing like… you feel like getting take out for dinner the next day and as a heads up, you're giving her from now until then to think of whether there is a specific place she might want to order from. If she reacts jumpy or suspicious, ask her if she's ok.
Overall, if you have had a more or less set pattern to your life and generally do the same things at the same times… you should start to change your schedule in small ways. Start to spend time hanging around nearby to her when you would usually be doing something else… spend times you would usually be nearby to her doing the stuff away from her. Make a point of putting a little extra thought into moving around and become low-key ninja-like, leave little things around so you can appearing in a room unexpectedly to retrieve it. Study the timestamps to figure out when most of her texting has been happening and fuck with the free time she would be used to using for it. Choose the fields of battle and see if she starts to get distressed.
Thank you so much. I know its been awhile since i last posted that but i wanted to make an update but i think im only allowed one update?? idk. But i did read this reply many fucking times.And smtg happened recently which resulted in objects flying due to his anger issues. i talked to a good friend of mine who gave me the reality check i needed. As much as i love him, i think its time i suggest us taking a break. ive read way to many women who defend the man who shows anger somewhere else which ends up with them being physically hurt(im sorry idk how to word this ahhaha)
But yes i really appreciate your comment. Made me think alot. Helped me realize this situation is not as ideal as i thought. I also rewatched modern family s10 where theres a line that goes something like do you feel lucky to have them or are you happy. overall, i have started questioning this relationship a lot more. I cant say for sure if i will really end up breaking it off for good but rn i feel like a break is the best option. As much as he ticks boxes for red flags, he is still a good man who watches out for our future (and i may be still defending him ik ugh) i just wanna make sure if everything i do is what i really want.
Again, Thank you so much kind stranger! ??