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Minami, 18 y.o.
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While I don't know her, what OP is describing is word for word what an ex of mine could have written about (minus the showering, clean sheets, etc). At least in my case, I suggested him having sex with other people because I knew he had needs that I could not fulfill myself (at least not without making everything worse) and I didn't want him to be miserable. Had nothing to do with not finding him attractive, in my case.
Go speak to her. You both are at an impasse and the ice needs to be broken. You may want to suggest couples counseling. See what she says.
Read some of your previous posts. I married someone like this and only after three years did I learn he lied about EVERYTHING. This sounds so much like that. I don’t mean to sound like all of Reddit, but this is not a sustainable relationship.
I was personally more fascinated than angry because I am so honest I couldn’t imagine why someone would put themselves through that but he did and I still don’t know why. The post of yours with the text messages is like my ex who would talk circles around things, minimizing, rewording stuff and somehow doing it so by the end you were still on good terms but glad the convo was over. Like those messages you posted.
My husband wasn’t dangerous but that doesn’t mean anything with yours. I’m just saying this is going to end because you can’t trust a word he says and you are also not alone. I’ve been there. Sorry this has happened. It’s pretty crazy though eh?
Don’t marry him.