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Model from: za
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1996-10-01
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I don't normally comment on these things but maybe I can offer a bit of perspective from her side.
I was in her exact position at the same age but we'd been together for 7 years. It tore me to shreds to break up with him because I really thought he was the one. We were so in love. After year 6, no dice, I STILL hung out for another year, hoping hoping hoping he'd just bite the bullet. I put off so much waiting for him to come around. I was fully open about what I wanted and I thought he was too. I'd drive myself crazy thinking he'd do it on a camping trip or even out for a walk, or in our living room for heaven sakes! Year 6 Christmas he gave me a wooden box that looked like a ring box, my heart about exploded – he handed it to me and said, don't worry it's not a ring! (It was a necklace) and then my heart sunk, and I knew I had to end it.
My biggest mistake was not communicating with him more and prying more into why he was hesitant. I figured the ball was in his park and I didn't want to push him, knowing he loved me etc etc. After a while I started to feel like there was something wrong with me. Eventually I went to counselling, gained some confidence in myself and left. 29 is not a time in a woman's life to play games, especially if she wants kids. I loved him so much but I knew I had to leave because the reality was that he just wasn't there with me. When I broke up with him he said let's get married let's get married. By then I had become so apathetic and my emotions had been all used up about the idea, and it felt like he was grasping at straws. I walked out the door and didn't look back.
Pull up your big boy pants and have an honest conversation with yourself, and then her. The ball is definitely in YOUR park, not hers. This is clearly important to her, and part of being in a successful relationship is taking care of things that are important to your S/O. Let her know or let her go dude, or she will make the decision for you.
I’m so sorry but she does care about herself. She just doesn’t care about you or the things you want to do with her. Please get help to deal with this. That’s why you wrote to Reddit in the first place so take everyone’s advice and accept it. Again, it hurts and you can’t make the hurt go away but you can realize it is futile to keep trying to second guess her motives. She has been honest with you and is not going to change just because you want her to. I wish you the best of luck but stop making excuses.
Maybe women should be encouraged to consider their own needs, rather than telling men they should not and should instead just be lifelong caretakers.
She probably won't change and the longer you make it the worst I'll get. Expose this points kindly and she what she thinks, then you can take a course of action. You'll likely need to break it up tho