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I think part of this is definitely the change in attention and such. I understand how it can be seen as bad that your libido went down and I would see a doctor about it in case of any potential long-term effects due to the meds. But, I do not think it would be wise to get off your meds and she should respect that we all have our own ways of healing and recovery. I do not think this is a mean spirited request, it’s simply a culmination of change and opinion. You two will likely get through this and some sort of compromise will hopefully happen if you work at it.
This. The drama is nuts. That one goddamn self-help book turned so many people into entitled whiners.
I kinda think he cheated and since he felt guilty, he projected it on her and used the other woman as an excuse to throw her out and sleep with other women while she’s pregnant. Pretty common for cheaters to project like that.
You can't help – he's addicted. He'll have to decide what he wants for his life and what he wants to do. The good news is Colorado is a Ganja legal state so maybe find some time to be alone and he can get his smoke on outside of family activities. Get through the week and then go from there. At some point you'll have to decide whether this is the relationship for you. All the best to you two and have a safe journey!
If you’re telling us the truth, I don’t see why you can’t tell your wife the truth.
He needs to free himself from this cheating woman
I am a 68 year old guy. I have been married 45 faithful, monogamous and very happy years. I have a good handle on what makes a marriage work. Through experience and age, I also have a good idea what sinks a marriage, if reconciliation is possible, and if so, what it may take to give it a chance, understanding more fail than succeed.
First off, recognize your wife broke the marital vows she made to you and to God “to forsake all others”. It does not matter if it is an opposite sex relationship or same sex. At a minimum, she had an emotional affair if she has not already had a physical affair and is gas lighting you. It is obvious that Ashley sensed something with your wife that made her vulnerable. Most likely, she and her husband are sexual predators and are drawn to opportunity like a shark to blood. Ashley prompted your wife to discuss the possibility of a 3-way as a means of trying to lure you in a way that may have enticed you to approve of her having sex with Ashley to then work up to watching the next time, leading to a 3 way the 3rd time. When it was believed you may consider it, saying if you did approve, you would need to be present, they strung you along again saying her husband would only allow you to be present if he was as well. I believe that this was the goal all along and that they wanted to make it about watching the girls have sex and then a full out partner switch and again, you were being gas lit all along.
All Redditors will tell you that unless you both are fully committed to sharing and are excited to do so, once you allow another into your relationship, it is the beginning of the end. You are obviously monogamous and really want nothing to do with sharing your wife with anybody. If you have any possibility of wanting to save your marriage, you need to put your foot down immediately and nude.
First, you need to sit her down and tell her you will never be intimate with another person as long as you are married to her, and that if she ever again, has an emotional or physical affair, or brings up sharing in any form, you will immediately apply for divorce. You need to ensure how deeply this has hurt you, and you and that trust has been severely damaged and may be difficult at best in attempts to restore it since she lied to you by omission and broke her vows without ever discussing with you prior.
Second, she said that she would cease all contact with Ashley if you wish it. Tell her you had hoped she would have made that decision on her own to go complete non-contact with Ashley and her husband forever, but since she has not already done so, it needs to be done now if she has any desire to reconcile. Have her call Ashley on speaker phone in your presence and make Ashley aware it was a horrible mistake to even consider this, that you are going to work on saving what is left of your marriage and never want to have contact of any sort with her or her husband ever again as they are too bad of an influence to be friends or even acquaintances.
Next, tell her you are going to see a lawyer to draw up 2 documents. One will be a divorce document listing infidelity as the cause. The second document will be a post-nuptial agreement with a very strong moral clause. It will clearly define both emotional and physical infidelity and proof required of such for purpose of divorce. It must apply to both to be viewed fair and legal by the courts. It will state that in the event of infidelity leading to divorce the betrayed is awarded all marital assets, child custody and support, and either receives alimony or does not pay it based on the given situation. In essence , the wayward walks away with nothing. Tell her once they are written, you will provide her a copy of each along with your wedding band. You will go away for 3 days or so to give her time to think about what she wants and which document she chooses to sign. Let her know not choosing either will be a choice for divorce, so think it carefully while you are gone and she gets a feeling of life without you. If she chooses divorce, she was already lost to you. However, since she said she will cut off Ashley, she wants to remain married to you and will reluctantly choose the post-nuptial. Given the severe consequences for cheating, signing it is a major deterrent and signifies her commitment to a faithful marriage. This can be used to help re-earn trust.
Next, she must engage in individual counseling to determine the cause of her series of bad decisions and what course of action must be taken to prevent a future occurrence. If the I. C. feel marriage counseling would be helpful and deems her ready to do so, that should be on the table.
You must have open access to any of her media immediately open request if desired. You don't need to watch her every move, buy knowing you can have access at any time will again act as a deterrent.
You may think of other consequences for her to endure as a result of her infidelity, but that is up to you. Reconciliation has the potential to work, but only if she understands and is truly remorseful for the pain caused you, and is contrite in willing to do whatever it takes to make up for her bad choices as penance and to enable you to heal. She must also understand that almost all the nude work it will take to reconcile is on her and be fully willing to see it through to the end.
Given all of this, you must then sit down and agree on mutual, very firm boundaries and consequences for breaching them. Two broad based boundaries that have contributed to our long and faithful relationship are:
If you would not do it directly in front of your spouse or without their knowing approval… don't do it. Do not allow yourself to be in a situation or environment in which the slightest opportunity to violate #1 has the inadvertent potential to occur.
In your situation, your wife clearly violated both of these boundaries. Discuss these with her and detail exactly how she violated each. Then agree to these guiding principles for the future. I feel strongly this situation can have a happy ending. Please keep us informed. And should you wish to chat or just need a private ear, I am available and rooting for you two.
If she was intending to cheat, she wouldn’t have told you about it.
I have 4 kids. That excuse sounds a lot more like “weaponized incompetence”. “I'm not good at this, so you need to do it.” What I can tell you is that he's not gonna learn if you always do it for him.
Being visibly frustrated with your child is not putting your child in danger. Sure, it can make the process more difficult. Oh well.
Presumably you're not actually worried that your husband is picking them up too rough, otherwise, you wouldn't be wanting him to actually get up and take care of them.
Understandable but I find it ludicrous that you would choose to stay with someone who doesn't give you everything and then more in this relationship. You fight over little things, he doesn't try to end it peacefully and show love. Why would you want to still be there? Ok let's assume things do get better a little while and then down the line you start to have kids, and then his attitude goes back to what it used to be and even worse. Would you want to still be there in that environment with kids looking at y'all bickering all the time?? I know you don't want to give up on someone you love but I don't see him making attempts to do the right thing here because if he was, you wouldn't be on Reddit posting about it. What you need to ask yourself is where you see this relationship 5 years from now with this current situation. Will it be better or worse? Is he going to change? Does he have the ability to change? How would our commitment and communication be by then? These are things y'all need to figure out while having a long term conversation together. Talk to him about these things as they matter. After being together for 3 years, why should y'all still be fighting?…