My(24F) fiancé(23M) told me I have been gaining too much weight.
3KWhen we starting dating, I was 5’2” and 150 lbs. Five years later, I have gained about 30-35 lbs. I have fluctuated in weight a lot and actually was down to 145lb from 160lb last year but gained a lot of it back and then some due to stress from moving, graduating, a cancer scare, and taking care of him through two surgeries. I know those all sound like excuses but the stress was really not easy for me to manage.
I started seeing a trainer last year and going to the gym more frequently. However, I have been struggling with food because I have only ever eaten one meal a day…and the transition to eating 3 meals a day and prioritizing protein has been hard for me to manage. I count my calories every single day but often go over because I haven’t gotten enough protein in. Because I’ve been stressed/depressed, I have also had a lot of days that I just go over in calories but have tried to make it a point to log everything I eat every single day.
My fiancé told me that I have been gaining too much weight and that he didn’t want to marry someone he wasn’t attracted to. He said I am still somewhat attractive as I am but because I have been trending up the past few years, he wanted to let me know so that I could fix it. He said because he is 6 ft tall, attractive, and is in a good major, he deserves someone who is on “his level”. That by being with me, he feels I am his “charity” case. He said he did not want to feel this way, but he does.
I know he is allowed to not be with someone due to attraction. But I feel like he wants me to lose weight because he deserves better, not because he is worried for my health. I have always paid for our dates and bought him things he wanted when I could afford it because he never has money. My family has always hated him (but tolerated him because I was with him) because they feel like he takes advantage of me.
I feel like he knows I have been extremely stressed out due to the reasons listed above and then some. I know I have been gaining weight but I have also been able to do so much more since I have started seeing my trainer. He always told me before that as long as I was getting the benefits of working out (more energy, getting stronger) that it would not matter.
I know I can lose the weight, but I want to know if this relationship is worth staying in. I love him and I want to be with him, but not if he will always think that he deserves better. He did suggest couples therapy and additionally seeing a therapist on his own, but I do not want to feel like a “lesser” partner to him. Is this relationship worth working on?
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