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I agree in principle with everything that you’ve said, I would only add that from my perspective at this point with all the history of the relationship and this topic behind them yes, OP is being unfair.
Boyfriend stated very clearly his boundaries right at the beginning. He was clear and concise and has never wavered in that. OP is silly for continuing on in that relationship having been told what his boundaries are and expecting that she will be able to change them.
What you’ve written is completely correct – neither is right or wrong, it is only their outlook and boundaries. That’s absolutely fine. But OP is starting to cross a clear line at this point, and I would call that unfair 8 years down the line.