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I would send a mass text to her entire family explaining what happened and saying that from now on if Mary is attending any gatherings you will not be. And that from that moment on you will be going NC with her. Weather or not they believe you is of little consequence you need to show your wife that you are taking steps to distance yourself from Mary. If you have her number delete it from your phone and block her on any social media you may have her on. You need to get out in front of this before her head gets filled with all sorts of crazy ideas. Then I'd find her a good therapist to help her deal with her issue surrounding her sister.
I would also plan some fun/ romantic things that you two can do together just the two of you (maybe a romantic getaway). Away from everything and everyone to reconnect. Don't push intimacy but pamper her and show her that you are devoted only to her through something more then just words. Cause in the end words are wind actions are what counts. Be there for her and do whatever she needs.
Right now she's afraid you're going to ditch her like all the others did when Mary came around. You need to show her through actions that will not be the case.
That's a huge obstacle.
You could do a chore chart or something along those lines.
But I'd say he doesn't know how to handle people actually showing normal emotion. He needs therapy for his trauma. It won't magically get better.
You can try to talk to him as calmly as possible, or write stuff down, but there's really no excuse for being a lazy or inconsiderate partner. Communication needs to go both ways and solutions and compromises need to be made together.
Poly is the third person in your relationship.
It’s extremely unusual that your ex could orgasm from penetration every time. Something like over 2/3rds of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone, and most women aren’t horny all the time. Your fiancé is very normal.