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It sounds like the experience was traumatic for him seeing you hurt that way. I’ve known people who needed therapy after play they’ve done because it was actively traumatic for them. It happens. All you can do is sit down and have a conversation about it.
Now your best bet is probably to give it time and have a conversation about it. Why you enjoy it, ease into the bdsm, and try to recover some of that trust/confidence in sex that he’s probably lost. The two of you may benefit from couples counseling with someone who is open and knowledgeable about bdsm so you can communicate and work through it. He may also benefit from talking to other people about what they enjoy about it so he can start to see what you might enjoy about it because he may be too shaken to see past what “he did” in his mind to really hear you.
With a new partner or someone new to bdsm I always sit down and talk about what I/we like about rough sex, what we enjoy, and generally have an open discussion completely outside of a sexual context. It gives the other partner time to think about it, ask questions, and come to their own conclusion of how they feel about it. Also if they are new starting slow and not with something that’s going to leave easy to see marks so they can see past the marks left. If marks are left on the butt or thighs you can cover those allowing the other person to see your happiness and joy with them and not just the marks. It’s very hot to see past facial marks for a lot of people.
I love and adore marks. My husband had a hot time when we started until he saw how much I enjoyed them. It wasn’t until I started playing harder with other people that he REALLY started to understand. I get dumb levels of giddy about them and he can’t help but see the joy. Now when I see other partners and have marks he just smiles at me and says “someone had a fun time” but I had to ease him into it.
Best of luck and I hope you two can figure things out. You may get some more suggestions and words of experience on a bdsm subreddit.
Words of warning…. Never “up negotiate” as/with someone new during play and you shouldn’t be convincing someone to do something, I don’t know if you did either of those but the way it’s worded I’m not sure. The reason being because this exact thing can happen. If you’re up negotiating during play it can mean someone is too in the moment to think clearly about if they are comfortable with something and/or they may be worried about disappointing you. Also when we are having sex or playing rough we can be influenced by the endorphins and make choices we wouldn’t normally. I explicitly negotiate up negotiations into play and it means I’m absolutely aware of the risk I’m taking on with that and so does my partner and we’ve set out clear boundaries around it. I also only do it with people I’ve played with a lot who know where a lot of my limits are. You can get in a whole lot of hot water doing it during play.
Yup, he's abusive and immature… Dump this guy like a ton of bricks… seriously, before he actually hurts you…
also cleaning after eachother in a relationship shouldn't be like a 1st date going halfsies on a bill… or a favor…
Not sure is love is real anymore in 2022… but there isn't in this relationship, good luck!
If you didn't experience the discrimination or its effects yourself, what your ancestors experienced is irrelevant
What your sis is doing is well within the range of normal, erring on the side of “healthier” rather than “unhealthier.” It isn't helicoptering to limit junk food, sweets or screen time, it's pretty judicious. The hair on the back of my neck still stands up when I remembering finding out what my 10-year-old was up to on-line back in the day. Kids that age really shouldn't have phones or social media, WTF. Most kids raised in a certain social or economic strata have planned activities daily. You say you know nothing of kids, and it seems like you're projecting your own desire for certain type of freedoms onto your nieblings. Stay in your lane on this one (And, for all you know, her kids freak out if they eat sugar or need the structure of activity to remain on track.)
I don’t orgasm from sex either. Yes, most men get a bit upset/offended when they realise but they just need to get over it. All women are different, our bodies are different and it doesn’t mean we enjoy sex any less! We shouldn’t have to fake anything to protect their ego.
You’re being manipulated and you need to cut and run. You can leave her a nice letter or something and block her number. All you need to know really is that no sane 25 year old woman wants anything to do with a 21 year old man, if I read your first post right. That’s not ordinary, that’s someone looking for someone young, pliable, and vulnerable to influence. That’s abuser behavior. I’m a 26 year old woman and 21 year olds, even kind, sweet, accomplished, attractive 21 year olds, look like complete children to me. I understand that it’s nude to break out of that mentality especially after 4 years but you’re young and you need to find your own story. She’s nearly 30 and she knows what she’s doing. There is no tragic backstory that makes this behavior normal.
Who OP? No I don't blame him.
I was responding to the person who responded to me.