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-NIKI-LIKA-, 50 y.o.
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Read no more mr nice guy. Also, try to sort out why you feel you need sex to satisfy these urges. You may find ways to channel this energy into more productive things than fantasizing about other woman or your girlfriend. She is a woman that wants comfort and support, not just to be physically idolized.
This may come as a shock to you, but many people view sex as something different than labor.
Yup. I used to view sex work very differently than I do now. I changed my views after listening to talks and interviews with/by/about sex workers; reading articles written by sex workers; following some on social media, etc. I'm telling you that you should examine why you see it this way.
Finally a sane person
Yesterday, I (35f) sent my husband (38m) out to the grocery store to pick up some bread
The tone of your text sounds like you are condescending toward your husband and treat him like a tool. People typically don’t buy gifts for people that treat them that way. The gift possibly could be for someone that treats him respectfully. Maybe not cheating but just someone he feels like getting a gift for.
With love and respect, your boyfriend is a childish moron.
yes we met a lot and he sleeps in my apartment sometimes. somehow I'm okay with it.. would it affect me in the long run even if I'm okay with it? this situation sounds bad to me but at the same time it hasn't harmed me yet so I don't know if I should run away
It is abusive, no question. The question is: why are you with someone that looks down on you, doesn't see you as an equal partner? He doesn't love you 'cause how could he love someone beneath his station. If he actually loved you, do you think he would treat you as he does? Part of the reason that he treats you with contempt is that you take it. You haven't held him accountable. You haven't left. You have taught him that you are okay with this.
There really is no counseling this away. He is a huge AH and is treating you extremely poorly. You only fix is to leave him permanently. Find someone that respects you, listens to you, validates you and loves you just as you are. You should good about who and what you are, in a loving relationship. You deserve no less.
Keep yourself busy. Hang out with friends. Play sports. Eventually it will get easier.
While I'm not particularly traditional, marriage isn't something to take lightly, and engagement is a step towards that. If you feel you're not ready to step into that at present, you shouldn't. It wouldn't be fair to you or to her. What if it breeds resentment for her towards you to move there? What if it makes you resent her for making the decision that you're not prepared to make yet?
It seems you both love one another based on your words, but a relationship is two people working in concert most of the time or at the very least toward the same goal.
You convinced her to try out long distance. That's no small thing, friend, but she did say it wasn't what she wanted to do, and it appears she's made the effort to the extent that she's comfortable.
That's no fault on you either for suggesting it and trying to make her happy with the situation as much as you're able, but don't rush into something you don't want right that has potentially long lasting ramifications out of fear, you know? That's leaning into codependency territory to a degree.
Do what's ultimately best for you and you're also doing right by her.
This is the way.
You’ve done all you can so you do need to break up
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She has basically been the only experience I have as an adult on my own I can’t be without her
Move back to your place, give him space. He asked to marry him, knowing about all of it. Everything before him is none of his business. Instead of blaming you, he should support you. So give yourself to think if this relationship will work out because as I see it. It won't
Seems like you need to take the initiative in this relationship and see how it goes. He’s saying that he’ll put in more effort if he see’s you putting in more effort. Might as well have him put his money where his mouth is.
Surprise him with something he likes. Take him out to dinner or a movie. Give him a nice massage. Go the extra mile, show how much you care in a loving way.