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Nikki Sapphire, 34 y.o.
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Information needed. So much depends on how you are approaching it. It doesn’t sound like she is very comfortable with her 30 to 40lbs weight gain in a year, but she doesn’t feel like she can discuss it with you either because she doesn’t feel ready to talk about it (and that it might be an indicator of an underlying health issue) or because she feels like you’re pushing some judgement on her that doesn’t feel good.
Can you just hold space for her without judgement for her to have the conversation at her own pace and in a way that empowers her?
Like you said, it could be weeks, months, or years before her father passes away. And it’s been a month already since he was diagnosed. I feel like enough time has passed since his diagnosis that a breakup won’t feel like an immediate second punch to the gut. Sure the breakup will hurt (like hearing about his diagnosis had but hurt) but she’s had time to digest that he’s ill. The timing of the breakup isn’t ideal, but it’s not cruel either. Chances are, if you don’t have romantic feelings toward her, this breakup won’t be the biggest shock of a life time. I would bite the bullet and breakup with her as soon as possible… because if you think it’s difficult to leave her now, think about how much harder it’ll be to leave her when he dies.
I mean… One, she's still a kid (i know 18 is an adult) mentally. Two, if she's serious about her boyfriend she should be more considerate. She's acting like she's single or her boyfriend is just a FWB. I'd let her make her own decisions without any of your input.
I proposed that this man not communicate with her anymore, and that she facilitate his interactions with his child through her mother or relatives. If this doesn’t happen and she doesn’t accept it I will leave. I mean I have self respect, I don’t care about the rest.
I had a limp. The diagnosis was a hot pill to swallow emotionally. She didn't “caretake” for me besides spending time with me. I also gave her a place to stay rent free. Sometimes dating doesn't work out and you break up.
You're the side piece. Either accept it or end it.
I seriously doubt this would yield a custody decision to grant her more than 50/50.
It seems like he understands that what he's doing is wrong and that you're suffering but he hasn't faced any consequences for it. So if he doesn't face any consequences it looks like he isn't going to change his behaviour. Maybe you need to go to therapy together so he can understand the seriousness of this issue more fully? And if he still doesn't change, you will either need to give up and get a cleaner or leave him.
Exactly!!